Triple J radio star Dee Salmin has revealed how going ‘boy sober’ completely ‘rewired her brain’ and changed her attitude to relationships forever.
The partner of Collingwood star Darcy Moore completely opted out of dating, sex and ‘anything to do with men’ for two years after the Covid pandemic, hence the term ‘boy sober’.
Now Salmin, who is promoting her new book on sex, love and relationships, has opened up about the benefits of not having anything remotely close to a friend with benefits for a long period.
The host of Triple J’s The Hook Up said she was let down to find that other dating guides never featured ‘anything about how f**king incredible it is to be single and how you can have the most beautiful, fulfilling and deeply rich life without a partner’.
‘I was going to focus a massive part of the book on being single, embracing it and unlearning all the bullshit we’ve been taught when it comes to love and relationships,’ Salmin told Fashion Journal.
‘Which is why I have a chapter on de-centring men and going boy sober.
Before she met her AFL star boyfriend Darcy Moore in 2023, Dee Salmin spent two years opting out of dating, sex, and ‘anything to do with men – also known as going ‘boy sober’
Salmin (pictured) has explained that her ‘boy sober’ period completely reset her attitude to the importance of finding a partner
‘When you’ve grown up in a heteronormative world that has tied women’s worth to finding a partner, it’s important to take some time reflecting on that and trying to figure out what you actually want, rather than what you’ve been socially conditioned to want.’
Asked about how taking a break from romantic entanglements with men helped her, Salmin said it was a complete reset for her.
‘It wasn’t called ‘boy sober’ at the time but I decided to spend a couple of years without sex, dating, or basically anything to do with men. It completely changed my life,’ she said.
‘I got to a place where I was so happy and content on my own that the idea of not having a partner in my future actually excited me.
‘I noticed from not only my own experience but from so many people around me, that when you date to try and find a partner or to get married, you’re more likely to rush the relationship and not take the time to really get to know the person or take the space to figure out if you actually even like them.
‘I’ve seen friends look past red flags, incompatibilities, misaligned values, or just the fact that the guy they’re dating low-key kinda sucks, just because they’re desperate to be in a relationship.’
Salmin went on to flag some of the other topics she tackles in her book, which is out now.
She has devoted a chapter to the question ‘Why do we date people who are bad for us?’, and another chapter is titled ‘Sex happens to women’.
Salmin said she and Moore decided not to live together for a long stretch after starting their relationship in order to avoid falling into ‘hetero-dynamic learnt behaviours’
The Triple J radio host opened up about her personal life as she promotes her new book
Salmin said the latter was hard to write because she had to ‘draw upon some sexual experiences that I had gone through that I’ve never spoken about before’.
Heterosexual culture is also examined in the book.
Salmin told prospective readers that she has looked into the ‘heteronormativity of weddings’, and believes ‘we don’t make fun of straight culture enough’ because it’s ‘massively cringe and embarrassing’.
She made headlines in 2024 when she revealed that she wasn’t living with Moore so they could keep leading independent lives and avoid falling into ‘hetero-dynamic learnt behaviours that you might fall into’ as a couple.
However, in February they revealed they moved into a shared home in late 2025.
Darcy, 30, explained that their new living arrangement has brought them closer together, as Dee now sees ‘the losses, the injuries, the fatigue, the toll of being an athlete’ firsthand.
‘In a weird way, it’s been good for me to be able to share that because often [as captain] I have to be the source of strength and stability and calm,’ he said.
‘To be able to show her the real and challenging part of it has felt really nice.’
Dee and Darcy have been dating since early 2023 and made their first major public appearance eight months into their relationship at the 2023 Brownlow Medal.
