Police officer abused for years by wife urges others to get help | Manchester News

A police officer who said he was bullied, spat on and told to “man up” by his wife has found solace in speaking to other men who have suffered domestic abuse.

The man, who asked not be named, left his former partner in 2021 to escape what he described as a “toxic environment” of controlling abuse.

He received counselling from Tameside Council and said meeting other victims who were “uber-male guys” and “not who society may expect” at a support programme helped rebuild his confidence.

“Ultimately, I want other men to know they are not alone. They are not the only ones going through this,” he said.

The police officer has shared his story to highlight support by Tameside Council for men who are victims of domestic abuse.

He said the physical and emotional abuse he suffered throughout his marriage led to him to consider taking his own life.

The pair married after meeting at college and had children. But he said there were “warning signs of her impulsive and erratic behaviour and alcohol misuse”.

“She would say ‘man up, you need to provide’, reinforcing those stereotypes that as a man this is your role you’ve got to accept it,” he said.

He added: “If I didn’t meet her unrealistic expectations she would explode, screaming and spitting, threatening me, calling me names, weaponising the children and making herself out to be the victim.

“She sometimes would go out drinking and not return home for days but still managed to blame me.”

After every incident of abuse there would be a “love-bombing session”, where she would say sorry and promise things would improve, he said.

“It would seem great for very short periods of time – but then it would start again and it would come back ten times worse.”

The police officer said he was “so much happier” after finding a new partner and seeking professional help.

Tameside Council’s Open Up campaign aims to raise awareness of the support available for men who are victims of domestic abuse.

Lisa Morris, a public health manager at Tameside Council, told Radio Manchester that most domestic abuse is about power.

“A lot of men will stay in a relationship for fear of losing access to their children,” she added.

The council commissions a service to support victims called the Bridges Partnership, which helps men and women who are in abusive relationships.

It provides emotional support, advice on receiving benefits, safe accommodation for victims fleeing abuse, as well as access to counselling.

A council spokesperson said it was thought that one in six men experienced domestic abuse at some point in their life, but they were far less likely than women to tell anyone or seek help.

The Crime Survey for England and Wales estimated that 712,000 men experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2024.

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can find help and support at Action Line.