A Saudi lesbian woman, who was informed at 16 that she was “reserved” for an arranged marriage to a 40-year-old male cousin, has found profound relief after being granted asylum in the UK.
Now 31, Al Hussain said that she “couldn’t be happier” and hopes “queer Saudi women know that there is hope out there”.
Ms Hussain explained that she was unable to go through with the marriage, as the prospect “absolutely terrified” her, given her identity as a closeted LGBTQ+ person in her home country.
Saudi Arabia outlaws same-sex relations, with punishments under Sharia law potentially including the death sentence, “100 blows of the whip”, or “banishment for one year”, according to Human Rights Watch.
She recalled early conversations with friends and family, who reiterated that being LGBTQ+ was haram, meaning forbidden. One particular family member even declared they would “kill someone” if they discovered someone was gay.
She said she could not hide her identity by going through with the wedding to a man, so she had no choice but to escape in the middle of the night without telling anyone.
Remembering the initial conversation about the arranged marriage, Ms Hussain said: “Sitting me down, my mum’s face was nonchalant. ‘A cousin has informed me that he’s reserving you for marriage’, I was told.
“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I knew arranged marriages in my culture were common, but the reality of it absolutely terrified me.
“The worst part was that my supposed future husband-to-be was in his 40s and I was just 16 at the time. I felt disgusted, not least because I’m a lesbian,” she added.
On her childhood, Ms Hussain said: “I grew up in a strict Muslim household in Saudi Arabia as part of a very big family. I couldn’t ever leave the house without a male guardian and we even had CCTV to keep an eye on us.
“I never felt like I was living my life. I was controlled by my family.
“It was always reiterated that I wouldn’t be allowed to get a job or live independently.
“And ever since that conversation as a teenager about being ‘reserved’ by an older family member for marriage, I was beyond frightened.”
At about the age of 16, Ms Hussain said she started to realise she was lesbian, which was a “scary prospect” because homosexual acts are criminalised in Saudi Arabia.
She said: “School friends would talk about boys, but I had crushes on girls and couldn’t open up to anyone about it.
“It wasn’t unheard of for peers to say that queer people would go to hell, so I just stayed in the closet.”
Throughout her late teens and early twenties, she said she “never had any contact” with the man she was supposed to marry and there was no specific timeline for the marriage.
She said he would sometimes check in with her family about her, including saying how “excited” he was to marry her or that he could “provide anything” she wanted, but they were not allowed to talk to each other.
Without a proper timeline for the wedding, Al said she felt a “looming threat” hanging over her.
She said she “begged” her parents to allow her to go to university because she secretly thought it might help prolong the time before she was married, and they “reluctantly” agreed.
Ms Hussain said: “While I was at university, my older sisters had their arranged marriages and I knew I was next. This is because it had to happen in order from oldest to youngest.
“That’s when I got desperate. I went to my future husband’s sister and said how unattractive I thought he was, which was not allowed.
“Word got back to my family and he said that if I didn’t want him, then he wasn’t going to wait for me any more.
“He called everything off and I was so relieved. I felt free, but I knew that it was a matter of time before another one would be set up.”
She said she came up with a plan to flee the country by applying for a passport when she was 27, and getting a secret customer service job that she could do from her bedroom, to save money for a flight.
In 2022, she said she came across the news that the UK had opened a scheme to travel with an electronic visa, so she applied for it and was approved within weeks.
Ms Hussain said: “Very early one morning, I packed up a suitcase, locked my bedroom door, and booked an Uber to get me to the airport. I tip-toed out of the front door while everyone was sleeping and ended up catching one of the earliest flights out of the country.
“I didn’t say a thing to anyone in my family about my plans.
“As soon as I got on the plane, I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn’t even feel my legs from the adrenaline and nerves.
“The minute I arrived in London, I burst into tears. And the tears didn’t stop when I went to an airport officer and said I needed to apply for asylum.
“At one point during my initial interview that day, the officer said: ‘I promise you’re safe’. But I just could not stop crying,” she added.
Ms Hussain said she felt “relieved” at the idea of finally being able to live her life.
Over the next few months, she said she stayed in several different asylum seeker hotels across London, but she felt “very paranoid” after what she experienced in Saudi Arabia so she “barely left” her accommodation.
She said a lifeline for her was downloading the dating app Tinder, which is where she met her girlfriend, Eris, in August 2022.
They were initially friends, but then decided to date and Eris has been teaching Ms Hussain to DJ, and she now has regular gigs in LGBTQ+ venues.
“I couldn’t be happier,” she said. “I can truly be myself and I have also found a community that I feel safe in.”
By the end of 2023, she said she was “thrilled” to get a call from her immigration lawyer to say that her asylum application was approved.
She said: “Finally, I could start living my life and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
“I want queer Saudi women to know that there is hope out there.
“The best part is, I can wear what I want, go where I want, and be whoever I want to be.”
Ms Hussain is supported by the LGBTQ+ asylum seeker charity Rainbow Migration, which you can find out more about on their website: https://www.rainbowmigration.org.uk/.
