“The death of the Great British pub,” screamed a recent headline. The story underneath was referring to the idea of so-called “banter bouncers”: card-carrying heavies who go from table to table in licensed venues, ensuring all spoken language is kept strictly PG.
As an actual bouncer (or an SIA level 2 licensed door supervisor, to use my official job title), this smells like clickbait. In a time where six pubs and three clubs are going under every week in the UK, the notion of hiring an extra set of size elevens to prowl the carpet and make sure no one’s talking out of line seems like blue-sky thinking.
Yet the government’s Employment Rights Bill, back on the table when MPs return from recess next month, includes provisions to require employers to “take all reasonable steps” to prevent harassment at work by third parties.
A TUC poll found that three in five women have experienced sexual harassment, bullying or verbal abuse at work. The TUC also clarified that shop workers, NHS workers and many other public-facing staff experience abuse from customers. Yet this clause leaves employers to interpret it for themselves.
Harsh language isn’t something I particularly look out for in the job – not unless it’s causing someone serious upset. I’m more focused on hands hovering over the top of women’s drinks, or underage kids eyeing up barrels in the loading bay. Two of my security colleagues, who guard a residential venue, recently had their hands full trying to get a towel around a naked sleepwalker.
Then there’s the question of what actually constitutes “banter”. Everyone’s got the right to let off verbal steam when they’re out, provided that they’re not scalding the next customer’s right to do the same.
Door staff soon learn the difference between government guidelines, the venue’s policy and what counts as unreasonable. Trying to police what people are saying once they’ve had their first few gulps of loose juice seems not just completely unreasonable, but more like commercial death.
Eighteen to 34-year-olds make up the largest single age group of pub clientele (28 per cent), and apparently a quarter of them prefer messaging to voices.
Surely serious banter bouncing should be done digitally? Something best left to the billionaires and the algorithms, if you ask me. I can see the small print on the next software update now: “Any detection of flagged language will result in the darkest secrets from your camera roll being automatically sent to your nan and/or your mother-in-law.”
The idea of refereeing private conversations face-to-face seems so far-fetched that I suspect there’s a hidden agenda behind the banter bouncer headlines: to wind people up. This year, opposing voices on the political spectrum have been decrying that everything is broken, the elites are taking over, and the only way to feel like you still count is to gang up on the streets and start kicking bins over.
As someone who has to keep an eye on the streets and stand the bins back up again, I’m yet to see the threats to my way of life that I’m being warned about. But I have seen those in power taking notes: the prime minister is pledging a “strengthened crackdown” on potential rioters. Anyone facing a spell inside could also find themselves being shot by the new tasers being issued to prison staff.
Hopefully, us door crew won’t be made to carry extra tools if we’re put on language patrol. I got into the job to stop trouble – not to ignite it. High prices and lagging wages can leave a lot of people just one rude word or indiscretion away from blowing up.
If you want to know whether your own choice of banter counts as one of those trigger words, I advise going to an expert: Countdown’s lexicographer, Susie Dent. She recently shared the term “lalochezia”: “the use of swearing to relieve stress, anger, pain or frustration.” Before that, she dropped “circumlocutionist”: “one who consistently speaks in a roundabout way.”
Lalochezia is OK – but don’t be a circumlocutionist. And if that last one’s too much of a mouthful? Swap it for a more versatile C-word with fewer syllables.
