Footy legend Jimmy Bartel has opened up on his upbringing with his abusive father and how his dad once threatened to kill his mother.
In a wide-ranging and honest interview, the Geelong great, who won three premierships with the Cats, revealed that his experiences with his own father have shaped him into becoming a better dad for his two sons.
Bartel’s parents divorced when he was just one. His dad was Terry Bartel, a sportsman who played cricket and football for several high-profile clubs around Victoria.
He opened the batting for Beechworth’s senior side at the age of 15. Terry also played as a roving midfielder for the club’s footy side, before joining Carlton’s reserves in 1968. He would never play first-team football for the Blues, failing to settle in at the club. He died in 2010, aged 60, following a 20-month battle with cancer.
Speaking with Sarah Grynberg on her ‘A Life of Greatness’ podcast, Bartel explained that his perception of his dad changed as he got older.
‘He was violent, he had his own issues with his own upbringing,’ Jimmy told Grynberg. ‘He battled alcoholism, gambling addiction. He was incredibly violent to my mum and others in my family. I didn’t understand that as a young kid. I was probably protected and shielded, being the youngest.’
Jimmy Bartel has opened up on how his abusive father, Terry, had given his mother a horrible ultimatum
He added: ‘For a young boy, a teenager growing up who loves sport, your dad is your first superhero. Mum kept all the scrapbooks, incredibly talented sportsperson. I’d see him around his mates. He was incredibly charismatic, great life of the party.
‘Not diminishing anything his friends had with him… but that wasn’t what I was getting. It became a really tough thing for me to deal with. “How come I’m not getting that?” or you go around to a friend’s house and dad’s doing this and that stuff and you get to a point where you ask mum what’s going on and she goes: “He’s just different to the others and in time you’ll work out why”.’
Bartel, 41, no longer chooses to drink in front of his mother or his kids, following the experiences he had with his dad while growing up.
He also recounted how he had spent some time with his dad during the school holidays when he was 14 years old. The Geelong 300-gamer lifted the lid on a ‘scary’ experience where his father had ‘gotten pretty physical’ with him during the trip.
‘I remember coming home and going straight to my bedroom,’ he told Grynberg. ‘Mum came in and said: “What’s wrong?”. “I just don’t think he’s the person I think he is”‘, Jimmy replied.
‘I had a pretty average night with him, which was pretty scary for myself. He’d been heavily drinking and he got pretty physical with me.’
His mother would go on to place an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) on his father.
But after doing so, Bartel explained that his dad arrived at his mum’s house and gave her an ultimatum if she did not lift the order.
The former Geelong star has stated that his upbringing has made him want to become a better parent for his two boys
Bartel (pictured with his girlfriend Amelia Shepperd) revealed that his dad had been an alcoholic and often became violent
‘He came around and told her to lift the AVO or else he’d take mum. He did. He took my mum out of the house, and I remember looking out the lounge room window and he was taking my mum,’ he said.
‘I only found out when I was older. He took my mum out to the back of Geelong and pretty much gave her an ultimatum to remove the AVO or “this is the end for you”.
‘And so it was a tough decision for my mum, do you leave three kids with no mum or you come back home and you remove the AVO and you try and manage things a different way.’
Jimmy would go on to enjoy a glittering career in the AFL. The utility player was named in two All-Australian sides, crowned a Brownlow Medallist in 2007 and was named the Norm Smith Medallist following Geelong’s victorious 2011 premiership win.
During his time at the club, Jimmy revealed that he once received a phone call from his sister about their dad.
Jimmy was forced to skip a training session with the Cats, instead driving to meet his father to confront him about his abusive tendencies.
Jimmy revealed his sister had phoned him, telling him that Terry had shown up at her house following a heavy drinking session, asking to see her first-born son. She explained he had become ‘quite aggressive’ with her, which Jimmy said: ‘Just flipped the switch for me… I said: “that’s it”.
‘I was at Geelong, went to training… I was nearly taking team-mates heads off in training drills. A coach grabbed me and said: “Get off”. I was really close with this coach and he said: “What is going on?”. I was blurting it out, I was half teary-eyed.
He told Sarah Grynberg (left) that he had also confronted his father over his abusive tendancies
Bartel explained he had to skip Geelong training to drive to confront his father after he had ‘gotten aggressive with his sister’
‘He goes: “Just leave, take all the time you want”.
Jimmy explained that he got in the car and drove between three to four hours to see his dad.
‘I was pretty irrational in my thinking. I was going to meet him the old-fashioned way. The Hume Highway is a boring road, and it gave you a bit of time to calm down. I spoke to my mum on the phone and she said: “Don’t do something he’d do, promise me that”.’
Jimmy met Terry the following day, outside an RSL.
‘I checked with my sisters and they were more than happy for me to represent their thoughts. I said to him “That’s it, you’ve done your dust mate, it’s all finished”.
‘He said: “Do you want to fight about it, get it out of your system?” I said: “No, no, that’s where we’re different, we’re done”. He did step in, and I thought “there’s your opportunity” and then it was “nup”.
‘I got in the car, and it was almost a grieving process then for me. I didn’t speak to him ever again, and he passed a few years later.’
Bartel later opened up on how the experience had shaped him as a father. He said he feels like he ‘overcompensates’ now with his own children.
Bartel now says he’s ‘gone the other way’ to his dad and wants to be the best father possible to his children (pictured with Amelia Shepperd)
He said: ‘My boys probably get annoyed I smother them!’
‘“Give us another kiss and a hug,” things like that, you trick them into believing it’s a world-famous hug. Always great words if you need a tip to con your kids! I want to be the dad kicking the football, playing cricket or basketball, or dinosaurs – whatever their interest is.
He added: ‘But I think it’s probably because I never got that experience, so I don’t want to leave them short in that way. And I think the other thing is that if I say I’m going to be there or do something for them I’m 100 per cent going to be there.
‘I’ve probably gone the other way – probably the antithesis to it.’
