A holiday without their parents is a rite of passage for many teenagers.
Though – of course – it might lead to a week or two of anxiety for many parents, concerned about their safety.
Parents are often concerned their child isn’t old enough to cope with potential holiday dangers – with potential dangers such as too much alcohol, taking drugs, and falling off balconies and to too much sun common concerns.
But how old is old enough to go on holiday without your parents… and stay safe?
It’s a question frequently discussed on Mumsnet, and the parenting site’s founder and CEO Justine Roberts says: “For Mumsnet users, whether or not a teen is ready to go on holiday without their parents has less to do with age and more to do with how responsible they are.
“Parents generally look for signs like being able to make themselves a decent meal, manage their own time, handle money, and make sensible decisions – especially around things like alcohol.
“Most parents seem to agree that 17 or 18 is about the right age for a first trip with friends. Some think 16 is okay in certain situations – especially if the teen is very mature and going with a sensible older group – but the general consensus is that 17 is the preferred minimum.”
And she also points out that turning 18 means travel comes with fewer legal and practical complications, which can make things easier.
Matt Buttery, CEO of the Triple P UK & Ireland parenting programme, says every family is different, and stresses: “There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for when parents should allow their teenagers to go on holiday without them.
“Parents should consider not only their teenager’s age but also their maturity and ability to handle responsibility in everyday life.”
And Tanith Carey, author of What’s My Teenager Thinking? (Dorling Kindersley, £16.99), suggests parents anxious about their teen going away without them for the first time should think about the benefits for their child.
“Instead of seeing their upcoming getaway as a painful period of endless worrying for you, think about what they’ll learn about themselves, and the memories they’ll make,” she advises.
“The fact is, they’re probably at no more risk of serious accidents abroad than they are at home, and they probably won’t get up to much more than they would at the average teenage party or on a night out in a city centre in the UK.”
However, whether there are benefits or not, parents are still bound to worry if they’re making the right decision to let their teen go on a solo holiday. But there are steps you can take to perhaps ease the worry a little…
1. Agree communication methods
Buttery says that once a parent has agreed to let their teen go away without them, mums and dads will probably feel less worried if they have reliable ways of contacting their child during the holiday.
“If parents feel their teen is ready, what matters most is clear, open, and honest communication,” he explains.
“It’s essential to discuss expectations, set boundaries, and agree on communication methods while they’re away. This isn’t about controlling their every move, but helping them feel confident and safe during their time apart.”
However, Carey warns that contact should be kept light, possibly just through a family WhatsApp group. “Try to avoid insisting they repeatedly check in with you, which will send the message you don’t think they can do it alone,” she warns.
“You’re likely to hear more from them if you don’t interrogate or send loads of questions about what they’re doing.”
2. Help plan their trip
Parents may want to work with their child to plan the trip (if their child lets them), says Buttery. “This helps you stay informed about their plans, and gives you a chance to spend time together too,” he points out. “It can also allow parents to make clear to their children the laws and travel guidance of the location they’re visiting.”
3. Show you trust them
Whether you’re involved in planning the holiday or not, be positive as they make their plans. Carey advises: “Quietly show your interest in a way that demonstrates you have faith they’re ready to go it alone, rather than sending the implied message that they can’t do this without you, which is likely to make them more anxious or secretive about what they really get up to on the holiday.
“If you’re positive, they’re more likely to involve you in their planning, and you’ll feel more reassured they’re safe when they’re away.”
4. Share travel tips
Carey suggests that if your teen asks for travel tips, share the lessons you’ve learned from your own travels, including the reasonable precautions you’ve taken, like buying travel insurance, copying important documents, and noting emergency contacts.
“Get them to do a bit of research or check out some YouTube travel guides, as well as information on common tourist scams in that country,” she advises. “It could help head off any nasty surprises.”
5. Use location-sharing apps
Roberts says that as well as the basics like avoiding areas known for pickpocketing or where drink spiking is a concern, many parents take advantage of tech like location-sharing apps. “They can keep an eye on teens without having to constantly hassle them,” she says.
“In many cases they also set up group chats with other parents to share any news, as well as seek reassurance.”
6. Be savvy about safety discussions
Rather than bombastically saying ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that,’ Carey advises parents to focus on safety in the third person, for example by saying avoiding things such as mixing alcohol and heights like hotel balconies is something we all need to do, regardless of age.
“Your teen may want their independence, but they don’t want to end up in a foreign hospital either,” she points out.
Remind them accidents are much more likely after using alcohol or drugs, and Carey suggests: “Let them know that being visibly drunk will also make them more noticeable to criminals who prey on tourists. Your teen may roll their eyes, but they will still be listening.”
7. Suggest a ‘buddy system’
Roberts says Mumsnet users often suggest teenage holidaymakers adopt a ‘buddy system’ to ensure they’re always with at least one friend, stressing this can “ensure no one ends up in a risky situation by themselves.”
8. Suggest strategies to avoid peer pressure
When they’re aged around 17, Carey says young people aren’t quite as likely to succumb to peer pressure as they were a few years before. But it’s still a distinct possibility, she warns.
“They’re still capable of spurring each other on to drink too much and copy risky behaviour,” she says. “Help them to reflect on past experiences when they felt uncomfortable or unsure about going along with what a friend was suggesting. Remind them it’s OK to trust their gut instinct.”
She also suggests talking them through ways to say no if their mates want them to do something they’re uncomfortable with, like: ‘I don’t feel like it,’, ‘No, I’m not into it,’ or ‘I don’t want to do anything that could affect the rest of our holiday.’
And Roberts adds: “More than anything, parents want to feel confident that their teen will stick to agreed rules, stay in contact and be (relatively) sensible.”
