Excited to start their family, Alex Walmsley and his partner were awaiting the results of a 12-week scan when they were told their baby would not survive pregnancy.
It was the beginning of a painful journey for the couple from Heckmondwike, who went on to suffer two more miscarriages while trying to have children.
“It was a complete shock and I went into a tailspin,” Mr Walmsley tells the , recalling the first miscarriage in 2017.
“You expect to walk out with a picture to show the family but that just didn’t happen.”
Mr Walmsley and his partner experienced the loss of a child twice more before the birth of their son.
“We had the same scan, in the same room, sat on the same chair and we were told the same thing,” the 37-year-old continues.
“I felt helpless, you have nothing you can do for your partner, physically or mentally.
“We felt completely out of control; they kept telling us there was no reason.”
Struggling to come to terms with what happened, Mr Walmsley set up SANDS United West Yorkshire, a football team for men who have lost children.
The team, which now has more than 40 members, provides a space for men to grieve through sport, supported by others who have been through similar experiences.
“I did not deal with it at all; I was convinced it was my fault.
“As dads, we can feel quite pushed out; people will stand in front of you and ask how she is doing, how she is feeling, but it affects the whole family.”
Alex and his partner are now among the thousands of parents in England to have their experiences formally recognised with a baby loss certificate.
At the time of the couple’s losses, the miscarriages were not officially recognised, because they occurred before 24 weeks of pregnancy.
Mr Walmsley says that caused him to downplay his experience and his own emotional response.
“I had conversations with others who lost at 38 weeks and I thought I had not lost as much as them, I have not been through as much as them because of their age.
“It was really difficult and inadvertently created an us and them situation; like their losses were more significant, but that was just a by-product of the regulations.”
He and his wife have since gone on to have sons Toby and Teddy, who were born in 2020 and 2022.
In October 2024, the scheme which issues certificates to acknowledge the death of a baby was extended to allow all parents to apply, no matter when they lost their baby.
The certificate is a free, non-legal document that provides official recognition for parents who have experienced a pregnancy loss.
It is an optional way to acknowledge the loss and is not used for any legal purposes.
In April, the number of certificates issued surpassed 100,000.
Mr Walmsley says receiving the three documents was “emotional to process”.
“The disconnection I felt has kind of been healed because of these certificates.
“Yes, it is just a piece of paper with some details on it – but they are important.
“They have their names, they have been recognised as a life that existed.
“It makes me feel like they are important.”
Any parent can now request a baby loss certificate following a loss before 24 weeks, or 28 weeks for a loss that happened before October 1992.
Applicants must be at least 16 years of age and live in England.
