Whether you met halfway up a climbing wall or somewhere between a swipe left and a swipe right, the early stages of a relationship tend to follow a reassuring script. You talk about work, ambitions, childhood stories refined into anecdotes; and test for humour, for compatibility, for the way someone holds eye contact across a table.
What you rarely test for is financial compatibility. Yet as a relationship matures, financial decisions begin to reveal underlying values – attitudes to risk, to stability, to independence and to shared responsibility.
British couples are, in many ways, rewriting the rules. Joint bank accounts, once considered a natural symbol of unity and trust, no longer carry the same inevitability. Our latest research shows that 31% of Britons in long-term relationships refuse to open a joint account altogether, while 44% see them as outdated or even sexist. Financial independence has become a defining value 32% want full control over their own spending, and 29% believe their personal finances are no one else’s concern.
Independence, in itself, is not a problem, as it can be a sign of confidence and equality. But beneath this cultural shift lies a more complicated reality. Almost half of couples – 47% – admit to maintaining a secret savings account their partner knows nothing about, with hidden funds averaging £19,600. A quarter conceal pay rises, others understate income or build a “break-up fund”.
It is hardly surprising, then, that couples argue about money on average 13 times a month, with nearly a third citing financial secrecy as the root cause.
But joint or separate accounts are simply structures. What truly shapes a relationship is the degree of openness and intention behind those decisions.
The first stage curiosity without intrusion
In the early months, full disclosure would feel both premature and faintly unromantic. Love, at this stage, thrives on lightness. But that does not mean money should be absent from the conversation entirely. The most constructive move is subtle.
A positive approach at this stage instead of asking how much someone earns, ask what money means to them.
Is it security? Is it independence? Is it a means to experience the world? These answers tend to be more informative than a salary figure, and offer insight into whether someone approaches money cautiously, embraces risk, or finds the topic uncomfortable.
The goal is to build clarity around each other’s financial mindset. Most differences can be managed; whereas lack of communication is what creates friction.
Becoming serious when “me” turns into “us”
As relationships stabilise – when weekends blend into shared holidays and conversations begin to include the future – financial realities grow harder to ignore. Differences in income, levels of debt and spending habits become more visible in day-to-day life.
Our research shows that 13% of individuals avoid joint accounts specifically because of a partner’s debt or credit rating, reflecting underlying concerns about trust, fairness and financial risk.
At this stage, couples often concentrate on practical arrangements, such as whether to open a joint account or divide expenses equally. These decisions tend to work better when they follow a shared understanding of long-term priorities.
A positive approach here talk about direction before you talk about logistics.
Where are you heading together? A property purchase? Greater career flexibility? Travel? Financial discussions are generally more productive when they are anchored in clearly articulated shared goals.
Establishing boundaries is equally important. Clarity about what remains individual and what becomes collective is not unromantic. On the contrary, it signals respect. Setting boundaries early helps avoid unnecessary friction later on.
Living together structure over sentiment
Moving in together introduces a new layer of complexity. Once couples share rent and household expenses, financial dynamics move into daily routines. Income gaps and differing approaches to spending tend to become clearer.
Arguments about money are rarely just about the numbers – they usually reflect different views on fairness and contribution. Without clear agreements, tensions can grow over time.
A positive approach at this point create a system that you both choose deliberately.
It may involve a joint account for fixed expenses, separate accounts for personal spending, or proportional contributions based on income. There is no universally correct model, but only one that reflects your shared values and feels fair to both parties.
A clear system makes money less personal. Instead of blaming each other, couples can refer back to what they agreed.
Long-term commitment transparency as stability
Over time, financial decisions begin to include investments, long-term planning and preparation for unexpected events. At this stage, a lack of transparency can create serious problems.
While 44% of those with hidden savings describe them as a rainy-day precaution, concealment can undermine the very stability it seeks to protect. When a significant share of people conceal income changes, financial independence may be perceived as a lack of openness.
As Chris Rudden, our Head of Investment Consultants, observes, choosing not to share finances can be entirely healthy – provided it is a conscious, transparent decision. Independence becomes problematic when it involves withholding information. Openness helps maintain trust and makes long-term planning easier.
A positive approach at this stage introduce regular financial check-ins.
These should be regular, structured conversations about progress, goals and concerns. Financial planning works best as an ongoing discussion, reviewed over time.
The bigger picture
The most common economic tensions between couples are well documented mismatched spending habits, hidden purchases or debt, unequal incomes and unclear management of shared costs. These pressures are amplified by economic uncertainty and the absence of shared objectives. In many cases, financial secrecy proves more damaging than other forms of betrayal, precisely because money represents effort, vulnerability and trust.
Separate or joint accounts can both work, provided expectations are clearly discussed and agreed. At its core, money belongs to the same domain as trust. It reflects how we see the future, how we define fairness and how willing we are to be transparent with one another.
Talking about it early and revisiting the conversation as the relationship evolves – is not a threat to romance, but, in many ways, one of its most mature expressions.
*As with all investing, financial instruments involve inherent risks, including loss of capital, market fluctuations and liquidity risk. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. It is important to consider your risk tolerance and investment objectives before proceeding.
