“Will I see another Christmas?” These were the last words Dr Anke Timmermann’s terminally ill father said to her before he died.
Dr Timmerman’s memories of the festive season with her father are very special, from him insisting they sing Christmas carols in candlelight to bringing home the tree from the local forest.
As a result, the 49-year-old told The Independent how this time of year is “incredibly hard now” due to her bittersweet memories from before his death.
Her father, Manfred, was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in spring 2023 and he died two months later at the age of 80.
“The death of my dad felt incomprehensible,” she said. “He had been there all my life, and the short period of his terminal illness had brought us closer.”
Whilst Dr Timmerman lives in Lincolnshire, her father was based in Germany. She said: “Grieving from abroad is a thing of its own: there are no places to visit or people to meet who can bring back the sense of the person… I felt disoriented, sad, and completely out of my depth.
“The first time in my life that my dad did not wish me a happy Christmas, followed by going into a new year without his good wishes – and knowing those would never be there again. There is no way of sugar-coating it: it is hard.”
She fears there “isn’t much space for grief at Christmas, because you’re supposed to be in a good mood and not spoil anyone else’s Christmas”.
She is not alone in her feelings, as a new poll commissioned by end-of-life charity Marie Curie found that nearly half of those who have lost a loved one (45 per cent) admit to feeling alone at some point during Christmas, even when with friends and family.
More than one in three people (37 per cent) typically dread Christmas due to the connotations of the time of year with loved ones who have died.
Dr Timmermann said: “Everyone deals with grief differently, even if you are among family members who are also recently bereaved. They may not want to talk about it, or they deal with it completely differently.”
Three in ten (27 per cent) of those surveyed keep their emotions to themselves, rather than seeking support, and 18 per cent of people experiencing sadness at Christmas isolated themselves.
Dr Timmermann first received help from the Marie Curie charity following her father’s diagnosis. After his death, she was put on weekly bereavement support for eight weeks in the autumn of that year.
She added: “The second Christmas was actually harder, because at that point, the Christmas cards from friends and family had stopped acknowledging that someone isn’t around anymore.
“So you don’t get expressions of sympathy anymore, which is absolutely fine, but it just makes you feel like the void is growing a little bit, the void of the person who’s not under the Christmas tree anymore.”
This year will be the first Christmas that Dr Timmerman is on the volunteer side of Marie Curie working on their support line. She said: “I want to hold on to the idea that I started all of that because of my father.”
The Marie Curie charity found an 86 per cent rise in enquiries on Christmas Day and Boxing Day last year in comparison to 2023, which has been the busiest year since its support line service began in 2015. The recent poll in November 2025 of 2,000 people suggests the trend will continue.
What to do if you are struggling
Claire Collins, bereavement councillor at Marie Curie, said: “The anticipation of the first Christmas after a loved one has died can be very difficult. Grief can change the way life looks and feels. You’re not being a ‘grinch’; you’re coping with immense loss after a very difficult time.”
She added: “However, I’ve found that most of the people I’ve supported will later say that the anticipation was actually far worse than the day itself. Whatever you decide to do, Christmas Day may be hard, but remember that you’ve survived harder days. You’ll get through this one too.”
Here are some tips shared by Marie Curie from Ms Collins and Dr Timmermann:
- Don’t put yourself under too much pressure to keep up normal Christmas traditions, and ask for help when needed
- It’s fine to opt out of celebrations if you don’t feel like it. You have permission to change your mind about plans, take breaks, or leave early
- Go to a local cafe and just stop, have a cup of coffee and sit with your thoughts or take a long walk
- Consider going to the local church and lighting a candle in memory of your loved one
- Let go of the idea that there should be an “ideal Christmas”
If you need to talk, you can call the Marie Curie support line on 0800 090 2309 or the Loss Foundation on 0300 200 4112.
