‘Where is our humanity?’ Readers share agony of loved ones’ deaths without assisted dying – UK Times

The debate over assisted dying in Scotland has prompted a deeply personal response from Independent readers, many of whom shared moving accounts of watching loved ones endure prolonged and painful deaths.

The discussion follows the defeat of the Assisted Dying for Terminally Ill Adults (Scotland) Bill at Holyrood, where MSPs voted 69 to 57 against the legislation.

Readers recounted harrowing experiences with family members suffering from terminal illnesses, Alzheimer’s, and cancer. Many described the helplessness of witnessing relatives lose their dignity and endure months of agony, highlighting the emotional toll on both patients and their families.

Others drew attention to the moral inconsistency of allowing animals a humane death while denying the same choice to terminally ill humans. Some shared experiences from countries like the Netherlands and Australia, where legal safeguards ensure assisted dying is carried out safely and peacefully, offering both patients and families a measure of control and closure.

While acknowledging the need for safeguards, readers criticised faith-based opposition that restricts personal autonomy. Many insisted that legislation should empower individuals to make profound choices about their own lives while protecting the vulnerable, reflecting a heartfelt call for empathy in law.

Here’s what you had to say:

Assisted dying can be peaceful and courageous

My twin brother, Adrian, decided to end his life with assisted dying in Australia.

He emailed me in 2024: “My myelofibrosis is turning to acute myeloid leukaemia with its own outcome. I’m in ICU now with bad pneumonia. I’ve decided to switch the machines off with the help of morphine. My family has a like mind and will be with me.”

He had to have medical reports from two doctors that he had less than six months to live, and his email said he wanted to leave with a party.

I had FaceTime with him less than an hour before his dosage was increased. He was surrounded by his wife, children, and grandchildren holding glasses.

His son told me later that he was laughing and joking until he fell asleep.

I think it takes considerable courage to take such a momentous decision.

The fears of coercion voiced by those opposed to assisted dying have not emerged anywhere in the world where assisted dying is now allowed.

RobGood

How euthanasia works in the Netherlands

As with the UK, the people who oppose euthanasia on principle here in the Netherlands abused supposed “technical and practical problems” to obstruct sensible legislation.

The fact that they use other argumentation than “I don’t want it legalised at all and in no case” proves their insincerity. I don’t mind people opposing euthanasia for themselves because of their faith. I do mind people opposing me choosing euthanasia if I want it because of THEIR faith.

In the Netherlands, it is the religious fundamentalists who still oppose our euthanasia legislation. All others are concerned about refinement – when euthanasia should be allowed and when not –but nobody, except those against it on principle, wants it to remain illegal in all cases.

My parents had watched my elder brother die of liver cancer aged 37. They had also seen my aunt die of addiction-induced liver failure ten years before. Dying of liver failure is excruciatingly painful beyond the capacity of any painkiller. They did not want that fate.

My father died of lung cancer in the days before legal euthanasia. His doctor simply prescribed him huge dosages of cortisone, irresponsibly high for anyone with a perspective on a cure, which my father hadn’t by then. He died peacefully and without pain.

My mother had a fully filled-out euthanasia declaration, witnessed by my brother and me, even refusing any life-prolonging actions and reanimation. In the end, she had both surgery and radiotherapy for bowel cancer and had a heart valve replaced. She died of heart failure when other valves started leaking too and she was too weak to be operated upon. She never used her severe euthanasia declaration, but she had it handy in case she wanted to resort to it, or if we had to do that in her place. We never did, but we were glad to have the legal last resort if needed. That is how euthanasia works in the Netherlands – not like the organised mass murder the evil “pro-lifers” want to make you believe it is.

RebootedyetagainHans2

Planning end of life for loved ones

I perhaps shouldn’t say this here, but slowly my health is failing. I decided years ago that if, or when, ‘I’ decide that my suffering is too great, I’ll simply end it – something I’ve made my family and friends aware of.

What has been perplexing is finding a way that won’t impose suffering on them. It’s taken me years to figure out not only a method but to ensure that someone I care about doesn’t find a mouldy body. I’ve now figured it out. Although I would have appreciated a little humanity and being able to say a proper goodbye to my loved ones, instead of not telling them and ‘doing the deed’ alone and arranging for someone else to find me.

Meanwhile. it took me some years to pluck up the courage to talk to my neighbour and say to her that when her husband died of cancer, I was a little relieved – his, and indeed her, suffering had ended. I’m glad she didn’t take offence and understood my meaning.

I’m convinced that if ever someone has to watch someone ‘screaming’ out their lives over weeks, months, or even years, their views will change substantially.

TomSnout

Where is our humanity?

Makes me want to weep. The bill, with its amendment, said that two doctors must certify that the person had a terminal illness that was expected to kill them within six months and had the mental capacity to make the request.

Will someone who opposes this explain what harm it could possibly do to save someone six months of pain and suffering?

I agree there must be safeguards, but actually I don’t think this, or the laws where I live, go far enough. I believe that a living will stating the wish to die in defined circumstances should be sufficient to override the ‘mental capacity’ clause.

I saw my grandmother die a slow and miserable death from Alzheimer’s. I saw my mother, who carried most of the burden of visits to see a broken old lady who knew no one, was always angry and had her dignity stripped away, also suffer. (I was away at university, my sister had two small children, and my uncle opted out as he claimed he couldn’t bear to see her like that). What good did the time she sat in that chair, doubly incontinent, drugged as she tended to be violent, with no mind left, do her or anyone?

Where is our humanity?

nocomment

Tainting a medical argument with theological falsehoods

Shows that there’s a deeply regressive undercurrent in Scotland: Wee Free Church, etc., tainting a medical argument with theological falsehoods about suicide being a sin.

I’ve seen palliative care first-hand with a close family member: it feels like you’re just prolonging people’s suffering. Assisted dying would have been a blessing.

Mowf Almighty

Some of the comments have been edited for this article for brevity and clarity.

Marie Curie offers support to those dying from terminal illness and a bereavement service for those caring for someone with a terminal illness. Telephone: 0800 090 2309 email: [email protected] or visit: www.mariecurie.org.uk.

If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email [email protected], or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.

If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.

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