Donald Trump and his “secretary of war”, Pete Hegseth, appear to believe that the 2004 puppet comedy Team America: World Police isn’t a satire but a blueprint for American foreign policy.
The various aims of Trump’s war against Iran: ending its nuclear programme, ending its support for militant groups and their destabilisation, ending the threat to Israel and ultimately regime change, appear to be ending in a gigantic bloody failure as ludicrous as the movie’s own plot.
In the latest development, the stated aim of toppling the theocrats who rule a country larger than France, Germany, Spain, and the UK combined has resulted in the entrenchment of their power with the election of Mojtaba Khamenei as the nation’s third supreme leader.
The son of the assassinated second supreme leader, the new ayatollah-in-chief, is only 56. He is, as all leading clerics in Iran must be, close to the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC), which dominates the security structures and the Iranian economy.
The IRGC is the backbone of the regime and far from being so broken and crippled that Iranians can, in Trump’s fantasy version of reality, rise against their oppressors, the Corps has been able to strengthen its control over the country.
Israel and the US, meanwhile, are systematically bombarding Iran’s oil industry and its refineries. The result is that Tehran’s sewers, flooded with oil, have exploded, and the Iranian capital is now suffering oil-drenched acid rain in an apocalyptic vision that might excite Hegseth and Trump – but heralds only chaos and worse to come.
The vulgarity of the language from the White House has been matched only by the blinding stupidity of their non-plan for Iran.
“Today Iran will be hit very hard! Under serious consideration for complete destruction and certain death, because of Iran’s bad behavior, are areas and groups of people that were not considered for targeting up until this moment in time,” Trump said in a post on Truth Social.
Hegseth’s language matches the Team America patter too: “We’re playing for keeps. Our warfighters have maximum authorities granted personally by the president and yours truly. Our rules of engagement are bold, precise and designed to unleash American power, not shackle it. This was never meant to be a fair fight, and it is not a fair fight. We are punching them while they’re down, which is exactly how it should be.”
The words of the Team America theme tune don’t feel out of place: “America (f*** yeah!)/ Comin’ again to save the motherf*****’ day, yeah/ America (f*** yeah!)/ Freedom is the only way, yeah.”
But the IRGC knew Team America and Team Israel were on their way. They have prepared for these attacks for years. Top of their agenda is how to frustrate attempts at regime change.
Continuity of ideology has been guaranteed by the election of Khamenei II to the religious throne.
Command and control has been projected down to local leaders of the IRGC so that the organisation cannot be decapitated. Its leaders knew they would be targeted in their headquarters, local police stations would be hit, and communications would be knocked out.
They have adjusted for this and continue to keep enough fear of them on the streets of Iran to prevent revolution against their brutal ideology.
Iran’s foreign minister, Abbas Araghchi, said only Iranians would choose their new leader.
Only a tiny number of Iranians have – but that is the point. The regime has taken the blows of a massive air campaign and survived.
Any hint of backsliding on this level of defiance has been squashed internally. When Iran’s president, Masoud Pezeshkian, apologised for Iran’s use of missiles and drones to attack near neighbours and promised it would stop, he was ignored by his own military leaders. The weapons continued to rain down on the Gulf states.
The US has the capacity, no doubt, to wage the war for several more weeks. Khamenei II will need to keep a profile so low as to be, literally, underground. Israeli and American intelligence penetration of his world, which led to the killing of his father and many others in the top ranks of the theocracy and IRGC, means he may not survive.
This outcome has already been baked in. And will have been made more a tactical reality after Trump boasted that: “At some point, I don’t think there will be anybody left maybe to say ‘We surrender.’”
This macho boast may make the US president feel tough. It may also be true. But traditional allies are deeply spooked by the Oval Office having even less of a plan for the future of Iran than it did in 2003 for the future of Iraq.
Trump also continues to take Russia’s side – even when the Kremlin has been giving his Iranian enemies intelligence to target his own forces.
If the Iranians were getting Russian aid, it wasn’t “helping them much”, he said.
But his refusal to condemn Vladimir Putin, whom he calls a friend, for aiding America’s enemies will be noted in Europe, where he has undermined the defence of Ukraine by cutting US aid to Kyiv.
“They’d say we do it against them,” Trump replied when asked how he felt about Russia giving Iran secret intelligence. “Wouldn’t they say that? We’d do it against them?” he shrugged.
As the US-Israeli air campaign continues to destroy Iran’s industrial base, the bombardment may, eventually, even kill enough of the IRGC to allow the people of Iran to rise.
They will emerge, though, into ashes and poisoned air, penniless, the nation’s capacity to revive crushed and crumbled.
The White House response will be, without irony, to quote the Team America theme again and offer nothing more: “It’s the dream that we all share/ It’s the hope for tomorrow (f*** yeah!)”
