Forget Bazball: this was the day England’s Ashes dream finally died. Many, of course, would argue that moment had come and gone as early as the second afternoon of the first Test in Perth.
But hope remained, however delusional. And on the second day here in Adelaide, hope yielded – finally – to reality.
Replying to Australia’s 371, England had to bat for at least five sessions to give themselves the kind of first-innings cushion that might have allowed them to dictate terms.
Instead, their batsmen – perhaps confused by the mixed messages that emanated from the camp during the build-up – poked and prodded their way to 213 for eight.
Some believe this is a more acceptable manner of losing wickets than being caught at long-off or deep midwicket. Regardless, England have tried attacking and they have tried defending, and nothing has worked. Australia have had an answer at every turn.
Ben Stokes’s team arrived in Adelaide needing victory to stand even the remotest chance of turning a 2–0 deficit into a 3–2 win, and look set to head to Melbourne trailing 3–0. The dreaded whitewash beckons.
Pat Cummins celebrates taking the wicket of Joe Root as England floundered
As England staggered towards another pathetic total, there was more confusion around the Decision Review System, with both sides bemused by the substandard technology, and the on-field umpires apparently losing faith in their own decision-making.
But the kerfuffle could not disguise the narrative. On one of the best batting strips in the world, England had waved the white flag. There have been some bad Ashes tours over the last 40 years, but this one is shaping up to join the hall of shame.
Harry Brook made 45 and Ben Stokes clung on for 45 not out from 151 balls, though quite what message he thought he was sending to his team was unclear. Other than that, it was one-way traffic, with the returning pair of Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon accounting for five wickets between them.
Can England honestly say they were surprised as their innings unravelled on a merciless day of 40-degree heat? Did they really think Zak Crawley and Ollie Pope would be the men for a crisis?
Perhaps they did. But Crawley was caught behind for nine, pushing defensively at Cummins, while Pope launched himself at Lyon and flicked to midwicket, trudging off for three with a haunted look on his face.
It would have been a poor shot under normal circumstances. With the Ashes at stake and careers on the line, it was dismal.
Thirty-seven England players have scored more than Pope’s 3,715 Test runs, but only four have done so at a lower average than his 34.71. And three of those – Alan Knott, Ian Botham and Andrew Flintoff – had other strings to their bow.
England’s bizarre addiction to Crawley and Pope has been exacerbated by the struggles of Ben Duckett, who batted neatly for 29 before becoming the second victim of Lyon’s comeback over, beaten on the outside as he pushed forward.
Australia had answers at every turn and England appeared confused in the scorching heat
Duckett now averages 18 in this series, his worst numbers since returning to the side three years ago. Lyon, meanwhile, overtook Glenn McGrath’s Test haul of 563, taking him second in Australia’s pantheon, behind Shane Warne.
While Joe Root was still out there with Brook, the Barmy Army could cross their fingers. But after surviving an appeal for caught behind off Scott Boland on one, with third umpire Chris Gaffaney ruling Alex Carey had taken the ball on the half-volley, Root reached 19 before falling to Cummins for the 12th time in Tests, edging one that left him.
Brook was being true to his pre-match pledge to ‘rein it in a bit’, though he briefly threw caution to the wind, using his feet to carve Boland over cover for six – the shot of the day.
Then, on 45, he too perished to a nibble outside off stump, giving Cameron Green a wicket his second legitimate ball, and Carey one of his five catches.
After tea, the misfiring technology briefly became the focus once more. England had begun the morning by having a review reinstated, after the operators of the Real-Time Snicko technology admitted they had messed up the Carey caught-behind decision on the first day.
But both sides were now left aghast during a spell in which Cummins tested Jamie Smith with some short stuff. The ball after pulling Cummins for six, Smith got into a tangle against another bouncer, which appeared to brush his glove, then hit his helmet, on the way towards Usman Khawaja at slip.
The umpires looked nonplussed by it all and, while the catch may not have carried in any case, Gaffaney somehow ruled that the ball had missed Smith’s glove. On the field, Mitchell Starc could be heard complaining that ‘Snicko needs to be sacked.’
Soon after, Australia appealed again, believing Smith had toe-ended a pull to the keeper. Again, the umpires sent it upstairs. Again, confusion reigned. But while Smith was convinced he hadn’t hit it, and a missing frame in the visual evidence provided little help, a tremor on Snicko was enough for Gaffaney to send him on his way.
From 159 for six, England briefly threatened to implode completely. Will Jacks was caught behind off Boland for six by a juggling Carey, standing up the stumps, before Boland bowled Brydon Carse through the gate for a duck.
At last, Stokes found a reliable ally in Archer, who had begun the day by completing his first five-for in Australia, and now kept his captain company for the remaining 14 overs.
But it all felt like it was delaying the inevitable. England still trail by 158, and will need a miracle to escape from here. Many would argue they scarcely deserve it.
