Shane MacGowan’s widow, Irish artist and writer Victoria Mary Clarke, has spoken of the intense grief she experienced after The Pogues frontman’s death aged 65 last year.
Speaking to The Independent, Clarke revealed she had received support from a number of the late musician’s friends, including Australian musician Nick Cave, in navigating her sense of loss.
McGowan died almost a year ago on 30 November, less than a month before what would have been his 66th birthday, on Christmas Day.
“There were obviously enormous amounts of desolation and despair,” Clarke, who has been hosting a new exhibition in Dublin, said. “There were quite a few days where I thought that I definitely wanted to kill myself – I wanted to get out of here and go and be with him.”
The Irish writer called the Samaritans helpline several times, while also receiving support from friends and family: “I don’t think there’s a quick or easy way past [the grief],” she said.
“You just have to let yourself feel it. So there was a lot of howling and crying and feeling s*** – the symptoms are very physical, like a pain in your ribs – and you don’t want to get out of bed.”
Born in Kent to Irish parents, MacGowan made himself known to London’s emergent punk scene, attending gigs and publishing a fanzine. He co-founded The Pogues in 1982, earning recognition thanks to his songwriting and a sound that melded punk with traditional Irish folk.
Clarke said it had been difficult to grow accustomed to his missing physical presence in the home they shared in Dublin. “My world was me and Shane most of the time,” she said. “He looked after me, we looked after each other. We were complete.”
She’d recorded their conversations over the years and found herself playing them “over and over again, and it would feel like he was in the room. But I can still feel his spirit, his soul, his essence.”
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Musician Cave – who suffered the loss of two of his sons, Arthur and Jethro, in 2015 and 2022 – helped her see that grief “can be joy as well… you can open your heart more than you ever thought possible.”
“I find people like Nick [Cave] and Bob Geldof very inspiring, they’re both creative and dynamic people,” Clarke said. “One of the tricks Nick recommended was getting into very cold water, like an ice bath. I suppose it shocks you into feeling that you do want to stay alive, because you fight the cold.”
Clarke recently opened her first solo exhibition, which she felt MacGowan influenced: “I did a talk the night before, which was supposed to be about grief, but he kept getting me to say funny things, and the audience were just laughing and laughing.
“The opening night at the gallery was the same,” she continued. “I felt, ‘This is serious, I have to get it right, everything has to be in place.’ But some of Shane’s friends came along and they were drunk and dancing and fighting a bit, and it turned into something really funny.”
Having new projects to work on has made her feel “very alive and focused,” she said. “I feel that, like, Shane is really pushing me, going, ‘Yes, you can do this.’”
Her exhibition, titled “Angels of the Trea Collective”, features a collection of 22 acrylic and ink paintings and prints that demonstrate her lifelong interest in spirituality, in particular communication with angels.
“Often I think, I’m just going to surrender to this – I’ll move the pen and let it do what it’s going to do,” Clarke said. “And those shapes and colours become angels who tell me their names and stories.”
Clarke’s exhibition is open at the City Assembly House on South William Street, in Dublin City Centre, until Tuesday 26 November.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email [email protected], or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
