A woman has opened up about her struggles and long journey to getting her “life-changing” ADHD diagnosis, as experts fear women and girls with the condition remain severely underdiagnosed.
Kat Frize, now 39, did not get diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) until she was 37, after facing several challenges throughout her life such as intense exhaustion, difficulties maintaining relationships and communicating, and frequently ending up in hospital with injuries caused by accidents.
It was the birth of her daughter, who has now been diagnosed with ADHD and autism, which spurred the mother-of-two on to investigate her own symptoms. Facing potentially years on an NHS waiting list just to get an assessment, she said she was forced to go private, and was fortunate to be in the position to do so, unlike so many.
Around two years later, she said she was finally getting the treatment that was right for her, with the first day she took medication being a “moment of great revelation”, as her brain suddenly became quiet and clear for the first time in her life.
Now, as International Women’s Day approaches, the 39-year-old is issuing a warning about the women and girls with ADHD who have still not been diagnosed and continue to struggle. She condemned narratives, suggested by the likes of health secretary Wes Streeting, that mental health conditions are being overdiagnosed, calling them “completely inaccurate” and “distressing” for sufferers.
Ms Frize, who is from the Midlands, told The Independent: “It’s not that we overdiagnose, it’s that we’ve been underdiagnosing for so many decades.
“We owe it to our women and girls to give them the answers they need, as when they have them, they can really thrive, and when they don’t, there can be all sorts of risks that come with that. I think women as well are already on the back foot – so you add something like this in, and it’s very difficult.”
Research shows that the ratio of boys to girls with ADHD in childhood is only around 3:1, whereas in adulthood it is more like 1:1, suggesting that women and girls are significantly underdiagnosed during their younger years. A study presented to the European College of Neuropsychopharmacology last year found that ADHD in women is diagnosed roughly five years later than in men, despite symptoms appearing at the same age.
Dr Chris Abbott, chief medical officer at Care ADHD, explained: “Girls with ADHD don’t always fit our idea of what ADHD “looks” like. They may not be visibly hyperactive, impulsive or disruptive in the classroom or at home. Instead, they may struggle in ‘hidden’ ways – difficulties with attention, organisation and time that can look like daydreaming or forgetfulness.
“Our gendered social expectations also play a part. They shape what adults are more likely to notice – and what children learn to hide. Many girls learn to be ‘good’, stay quiet and blend in, so ADHD is more likely to emerge as an inward struggle rather than outward disruption.
“Girls – and later, as they become adult women – often develop really sophisticated strategies for living with undiagnosed ADHD. They may overprepare, copy more organised peers, people-please or suppress their inner restlessness to meet social expectations. This is called ‘masking’, and while it may look like success on the outside, internally the cost is very real: chronic stress, exhaustion, anxiety and low mood.”
Reflecting on her own experience, Ms Frize cited many missed opportunities when her ADHD could have been spotted if only the awareness had been there, such as when she had tests done for her exhaustion, or when she kept returning to hospital with injuries.
Speaking of finally getting her diagnosis in 2024, she said: “A lot of people describe a period of grieving, when you realise all those mistakes you made and challenges you had, [questioning,] ‘Would that have been different?’
“It wasn’t that I was the problem; it was just that my brain worked differently and I needed a different environment to really thrive.”
Last year, reports suggested more than half a million people were estimated to be waiting for an ADHD assessment on the NHS.
Ms Frize, who is now chief operating officer at Care ADHD, is calling for more awareness, support, access to services and research. She said her diagnosis and subsequent treatment have been “really genuinely life-changing”, adding: “I’m able to be a better mum to my kids.”
An NHS spokesperson said: “We know we have a lot to do to improve ADHD care and that too many women and girls are waiting too long for an assessment to be diagnosed.
“The NHS is now implementing the recommendations of the independent ADHD taskforce to redesign local services, transform support and bring down waiting times, alongside the wider action needed across society to improve the lives of women facing ADHD.”
A government spokesperson said: “No one with ADHD should be left without clear clinical oversight or feeling in limbo about their care. We have launched an independent review to examine how ADHD, mental health and autism services are delivered to help ensure patients can get the right support.
“We’ve also announced £9.5m in 2025-26 to continue delivering Partnerships for Inclusion of Neurodiversity in Schools in a further 1,200 schools – reaching 300,000 children, including those with dyslexia, autism, and ADHD.”
