You meet a lot of people in my line of work. Rarely do those people leave such a lasting impression that you tell your friends and family about them. But with Mel Schilling, I couldn’t help myself. She was like sunshine. And if you were lucky enough to feel her light on you, you wanted to share it with as many people as possible.
On Tuesday, the Married at First Sight dating coach died aged 54 after being diagnosed with cancer in December 2023. Her husband, Gareth, announced the tragic news on Instagram, writing that she had “passed away peacefully today, surrounded by love”. He added: “To most of you, she was Mel Schilling – matriarch of MAFS and queen of reality TV. To Maddie and me, she was our wee Melsie: an incredible mum, role model, and soulmate.”
I’ve long been aware of Schilling’s lasting impact on the show, Married at First Sight which is where she built up her fierce fanbase by delivering honest, heartfelt, and empowering dating advice. But I first met her last year after she teamed up with her friend Elizabeth Day to launch an eight-week podcast series, “How to Date”, and I interviewed them both.
After spotting me at the launch party, she immediately bounded up to say hello and thank me for writing the piece, showering me with compliments and praise. We hugged and chatted for a few minutes about the dating landscape, podcasts, and modern love. This is rare, by the way; I’m lucky if the people I interview even acknowledge those pieces on social media, let alone seek me out in person at their own party.
But Mel was different. She was a deeply kind, warm, and genuine person – also rare in an industry reliant on transactional exchanges where everyone is either trying to get something from you, or look over your shoulder to find someone more important to speak to. Mel cared and helping other people mattered to her. It is why she was so good at her job and supported so many people in their search for love.
Her own story is unique. As Gareth wrote in his Instagram post, “this is a woman who became a new mum and a TV star at 42 — and nailed both”.
In many ways, she defied the limited cultural and societal scripts distributed to women. “I was single for my entire thirties,” she told OK!. “I wasn’t interested in anyone. I was busy travelling the world, working overseas, I was all about building my business and just living a great life.”
It wasn’t until she was 39 that she met Gareth on a dating website. The two chatted long-distance for six weeks before meeting, with Mel based in Melbourne and Gareth, who is from Northern Ireland, based in Adelaide.
After a devastating miscarriage, Mel spoke openly about the experience, shedding light on an issue that many women go through in silence. Then the couple had their daughter, Maddie, 10, with the help of IVF. Meanwhile, Mel’s career went from strength to strength, with her moving from MAFs Australia, which she’d been on since 2016, to the UK’s version in 2021.
When I interviewed Mel, she gave me some great dating advice I think about often. “Self-compassion goes a long way,” she told me. “Every dating disaster will tell you something important about what you do or don’t want in your next partner. Make sure the stories you are telling yourself about dating, relationships and partners are, if not positive, at least neutral. If they are negative or unhelpful, reframe them.”
Few people speak about dating in such tender terms. But Mel knew how to help them find the best in themselves.
It broke my heart to read Mel’s post just 12 days ago, in which she announced that the colon cancer she’d been diagnosed with in 2023 had spread, and that, over Christmas, doctors informed her there was nothing more they could do.
It was a stark reminder that you never really know what someone is going through behind the scenes. In one snapshot she showed us how precious time is and what is truly important. As Gareth put it: “Life can be beautiful, and life can be incredibly cruel. But ultimately, life is fleeting, fragile, and tomorrow is promised to no one.” He continued: If you can do anything to honour Mel, please live life to the full, love your people well, and try not to sweat the small stuff.”
They are wise and astute words – and I’ll be abiding by them as much as I can. Because whatever Mel was putting out into the universe in the tragically short time she was here, it was very special indeed.
