Manchester United getting battered in Grimsby is a headline that writes itself. But nothing plucked from the North Sea has ever been treated to this kind of humiliation.
Four hundred million pounds. 711 Premier League appearances between them. And that was just the starting XI. This was not your bog-standard cup giant killing, when a plucky minnow overcomes an elite top-flight side who have rested their 11 best players.
Grimsby Town, three divisions below, played the might of Manchester United, one of the biggest clubs in the world, off the park for long periods of a football match. They did not weather an almighty westerly storm. Their goalkeeper did not have to have the game of his life. They deserved their place in the history books.
Yes, the fact it eventually went to penalties lessens the impact somewhat. But be under no illusion, sneaking through to a shootout thanks to a Harry Maguire header at the death, when you have your entire attacking arsenal on the pitch, is humiliating enough. To then fail to make the most of the most unwarranted reprieve is depths nobody thought Manchester United would ever plummet to.
Never mind getting sacked in the morning, Ruben Amorim must be considering walking after this. How much more can one man take? Just when you thought Manchester United couldn’t make things any worse, they remain the gift that keeps on giving.
United knew they were in for a rough ride in the mouth of the Humber as their coach crept down the Cleethorpes side streets, greeted by a cacophony of boos, in between mouthfuls of fish and chips. There was no escape.
That’s how it felt for the players inside the tight Blundell Park too. There were eyebrows raised in the crowd when United’s line-up was read out. Bruno Fernandes had been given a rest, but rarely had a Premier League side named a more star-studded side in the second round of this competition.
You couldn’t tell as the match got under way. United were second to everything. Grimsby’s opener came through Charles Vernam, who produced a strike that snuck inside Andre Onana’s post and shook Blundell Park, packed to the rafters, right down to the foundations.
If Onana did not cover himself in glory for the opener, his efforts in attempting to punch a short corner clear will have Royal Antwerp’s eyes lighting up as they head into further negotiations over Senne Lammens this week.
“We p***** on your face” came the chant from the terraces. It really was at masochistic levels of humiliation.
Ruben Amorim has cut a forlorn figure for the majority of his tenure to date, but rarely has he looked as visibly angry as when Tyrell Warren’s second hit the back of the net. He cannot, 10 months into life as United boss, have ever believed it could get this bad.
It was party time Mariner style. “We only sing when we’re fishing,” greeted the half-time whistle. United were taking the bait every time. The heavens opened after the break as Amorim brought Fernandes and Bryan Mbeumo on. Postponement would have been the beleaguered boss’s preference at this point.
The hosts of course tired, with Mbeumo stroking home a fine finish with 15 minutes left, before Maguire stooped to break home hearts at the death.
Fear not, Mariners. Cunha had this chance to win it in the shootout, but saw his poor spot kick saved. So we went round again, both goalkeepers scored, before Mbeumo fluffed his lines, and the entire town of Cleethorpes hurdled the advertising hoardings.
Perhaps nothing summed up another spineless showing more than Benjamin Sesko, United’s new £74m central striker, the one tasked with firing the goals to restore United to their former glories stepping up second-from-last – just before Onana – to take his spot kick.
A first clash with Manchester United in 77 years will be talked about for even longer around these parts.
