Caroline Bentham, 37, who has lived with her mother Mary in Yorkshire for nearly seven years, got in touch with Your Voice. She says the experience has been really positive – although she “never imagined this would be me in my 30s”.
She split from her partner in 2019 and was only supposed to live with her mum for six to 12 months while she started her PhD. But then the pandemic hit, along with various other life events, and she says it “kept making sense” to stay.
The transition to living together again was a “real challenge” at first, she says, as her mum struggled to give up control in areas like the kitchen. They also had “lots of arguments” as they worked out “how to be around each other”.
“It might sound cliché but we had to learn a new way of communicating,” she says.
One of the biggest benefits of living with her mother is the emotional support they give each other, Caroline says. But she admits the arrangement is sometimes not great for her self-esteem and there is “definitely a stigma about living with parents”.
Tips for adults who live with their parents
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Agree practical expectations around finances, chores, visitors, quiet times and shared spaces
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Recognise that living at home does not mean reverting to dependence and contribute where you can, financially and/or in terms of housework
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Don’t assume old family roles still apply: what worked when you were 16 is unlikely to work when you are 36
Source: Relate
Christodoulidi says one of the overlooked advantages of living as an adult with a parent is the chance to know each other differently.
“Parents often begin to see their child as another adult, while adult children gain a fuller understanding of their parents as people rather than simply as parents.”
She also says society needs to ditch the stereotype that adult children who still live at home have “failed to launch”.
Natasha says it helps to remind herself that living with her family is a “temporary” situation that will “lead to a better outcome in the future”.
The extra time she gets to spend with her parents is a “blessing”, she adds.
“One day I’ll move out, get married and have my own family, and I won’t have as much time with them,” she says.
