The Duke of Sussex is reportedly hoping for an invitation from his father, King Charles, to holiday in Sandringham, with Meghan and his two children this summer – and spend much-needed family time together.
Prince Archie, six, and Princess Lilibet, four, have not seen their grandfather in nearly four years since they joined Harry and Meghan for the late Queen Elizabeth II’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations in June 2022.
That’s a long time ago – and Archie and Lilibet will have been through milestones, including toddler tantrums, potty training, and for Archie, starting school. Meghan has also been estranged from her own father. Since her wedding to Harry in 2018, the duchess has maintained minimal contact with her father through sporadic phone calls, but no sustained in-person relationship.
So, while both their parents struggle in their relationships with their fathers, their children have been left with a grandfather-shaped hole for most of their lives.
Just as the perfect family doesn’t exist, when it comes to family estrangement it’s never going to be the perfect conditions for a reunion. But, when it comes to ageing grandparents, time isn’t on anyone’s side and I know only too well how important the role of a grandfather is since my children, Lola, 10 and Liberty, seven, lost theirs in 2024.
Research increasingly suggests that being a grandfather – or having one – can be beneficial. New findings published this year in the journal Psychology and Aging indicate that grandparents who provide care for their grandchildren tend to show better cognitive functioning than those who do not. Other recent studies have found that the support received from grandparents during early childhood is associated with greater emotional wellbeing as they emerge into their adult life.
And with many parents struggling to afford childcare, which isn’t one of the Sussex’s concerns, grandparents have stepped up; around 5 million grandparents regularly take on childcare responsibilities, according to the charity Age UK.
Charles is, of course, already a grandfather to William and Kate’s children, Prince George, 12, Princess Charlotte, 10, and Prince Louis, seven, so he’s already reaping the benefits, as they are. But for Archie and Lilibet, he’s all they’ve got on the grandfather front.
Meghan’s estranged father Thomas Markle is out of the picture, living thousands away in the Philippines. Apart from Meghan’s mum, Doria Ragland, grandparents are thin on the ground.
That’s not a good situation – as I have discovered since my dad died. He had stepped into the grandfather role with perhaps more vigour than most, as I am a single mum. At the age 92, my children kept him going – and, in many ways, kept him young. While his peers were being looked after carers, he was still joining us on family holidays abroad.
He was a quiet and wise presence in their lives – a legacy he left. My children felt genuinely and deeply loved by him and has that has had a long-lasting effect. Even now when Lola feels down, I remind her: “Grandpa loved you more than anybody! He thought you were the best thing ever.”
When my kids had roaring temperatures – or we had to go to A&E when Lola stuck lego up her nose – it was their grandfather who’d call every five minutes to check on them, making them feel special. Now he’s gone, they only have a grandmother left.
According to Dr Joanna Fortune, clinical psychotherapist, who specialises in the parent-child relationship and is the author of 15 Minute Parenting, “grandparents hold our family story”.
“They pass that along and our children love to hear those stories. It is not just nice for our children, but research shows that knowing a lot about your family narrative helps to strengthen and enhance confidence, a sense of self-esteem. It helps children to know that they are part of something bigger than themselves.”
Leading psychologist Terri Apter, and author of Grandparenting: On Love and Relationships Across Generations, published earlier this year, says that one of the most surprising things she found while working on her book is how often teen boys say that the person they trust most in the family is their grandfather.
“They described a grandfather as less demanding in terms of expressing affection and more accepting, rarely fussing over school grades and tests. There were clear benefits for grandfathers too. Several said that a lingering low level depression was lifted when they became a grandparent.”
She also noted how children facing the upheaval of parents’ divorce were often supported by contact with grandparents. “Research has shown that the harms to children of adverse family events – family financial difficulties, divorce, dislocation – are minimised when grandparents are able to engage and provide support.”
Dr Amanda Gummer, founder of the Good Play Guide, adds that grandfathers can play a uniquely powerful role in a child’s development. “They often bring a different pace and perspective to parenting – less pressured, more reflective – which creates space for meaningful connection. For children, that can translate into a strong sense of continuity, identity and belonging.”
Importantly, Dr Gummer says, these relationships don’t just benefit children in the moment, they leave a lasting imprint. “The stories, routines and time shared often become part of a child’s internal narrative, shaping how they see themselves and the world long after a grandparent has gone. Supporting those relationships, where possible, is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to strengthen a child’s emotional foundation.”
Alyssa Blask Campbell, author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, says there’s real value in children learning they can be cared for by adults outside of their parents. “Grandparents don’t have to show up the same way parents do, in fact, they often bring something different, whether that’s more play, more flexibility, or a break from daily structure,” she says. “That contrast helps children learn that relationships can look and feel different, while still being safe and reliable.”
Shirley Showalter, the author of 2022’s The Mindful Grandparent: The Art of Loving Our Children’s Children, says that the simple presence of a grandfather is important in a child’s life. “Even if a grandfather doesn’t do a whole lot more than sit in his chair or carve the turkey, his weight is felt; his body anchors the family; his opinions matter.”
And, she adds, “grandfathering might be a man’s last chance to learn to listen deeply”. “Perhaps when his own children were small, he was too pressured or distracted to pay close attention to his children’s thoughts and cares.”
Grandfathers can be many things, but they also offer that unconditional love and acceptance that enables children to feel understood and appreciated – as my dad did for my kids.
The Sussex’s various family rifts means that Archie and Lilibet don’t spend time with either of their grandfathers, and that is sad for them. Knowing where we come from is vital, whether that heritage is linked to the deep history of the British monarchy or not.
Harry’s relationship with Diana’s father was very brief and distant, due to his young age and Earl Spencer’s passing in 1992, however, he was said to be very close to his grandfather, Prince Philip, who he has publicly described as being a supportive and guiding presence.
Understanding both the loss and the value of a grandfather’s presence, let’s hope that Harry’s trip from America to the UK in July will bring some of that grandfatherly magic into his children’s lives. As parenting experts remind us, few relationships can be as truly special.
