Last week, I found myself at a party chatting to a guy I desperately fancied. As our conversation danced from one subject to the next, he came out with the one thing you really don’t want to hear from someone you’re trying to flirt with: “Your mum is so hot.”
Hoping I could find my way out of this conversational cul-de-sac, I offered him another drink, commenting on the quality of the warm wine I was reluctantly consuming. But no – the topic of my 52-year-old mother and, yes, her undeniable good looks proceeded to be drawn out to such a painful extent, I was left with no choice but to ditch him, and abandon all hopes that this boy would ever become the love of my life.
This is not an irregular occurrence – it happens depressingly frequently. Never have any of my male friends met my mother without soon making at least one of three comments: “Your mum’s so hot”, “Your father’s so lucky” and “Are you adopted?”
I’m told that when people comment on your parent’s appearance, it’s a way of complimenting you – after all, you are just a product of their genes. Over time, I’ve learnt to distinguish between polite chit chat and a full-on “Stacy’s Mom” moment.
When it comes to dating norms, my male friends’ fondness for middle-aged women is no longer an exception. A 25-year-old friend told me that the guy she was seeing (who was already three years younger than her) had dumped her for someone in their late thirties – “He’s rejected me for a milf!” was how she worded it.
It’s not the age gap per se that’s horrifying – it’s that dating is hard enough as it is without now having to compete with a demographic of women far more romantically mature and confident than us.
And it’s not just hot midlifers who are swamping our dating pool: appearing on Radio 4’s Broadcasting House on Sunday morning, veteran stage actress Sheila Hancock explained that, at 92, she won’t be getting married for a third time, because “I only want 18-year-old boys, and they’re not going to be interested”. Don’t count yourself out, Dame Sheila!
When I asked a male friend what it was about older women that makes them so attractive, the only answer I got was “because they’re hot” – which is always the downside with young admirers: don’t be expecting scintillating conversation.
While I am left no closer to understanding the male psyche when it comes to dating across the generational divide, I am far more excited about reaching my forties. We have a few age-gap poster couples to cling to: Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, who is a decade older than him; actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson was around my age when he got married to film director Sam Taylor-Johnson, who is 23 years his senior. (Just don’t mention the Macrons…)
These days, developments in the wellness and beauty industry mean that one’s youth need not fade with age, or at least quite so quickly. Whether it’s surgical tweakment, out of a bottle or from lifestyle changes, the baton of beauty can be clung to by Boomers and Gen X-ers. With women ageing gracefully, young men can see all the perks of a middle-aged partner and none of the wrinkles.
So where does this leave me? In a world where the dating pool is so slim I assumed that I at least had youth on my side. Turns out, even this is now a turn off. Do I keep looking, knowing that in a decade or so I might have more luck? Or maybe what’s required is a change of tactics altogether. If older women are taking the men from my generation, should I be taking them from theirs?
