How I found the confidence to leave my abusive husband after 47 years | UK News

For almost 50 years Eve Graham endured physical, mental and financial abuse at the hands of her husband.

On one occasion he pushed her into the sea from Nairn Harbour. On another, he bit her nose, leaving her permanently scarred.

But she stayed with him for the sake of their children and because his tight control of the family purse-strings left her feeling trapped.

It was only when she took up welding and sculpture – a new hobby that offered the possibility of financial independence – that she found the confidence to go to the police.

Now she hopes that sharing her experience will encourage other victims of domestic abuse to seek help.

Her husband, William McDonald, was jailed for two years at the High Court in Edinburgh after a trial in Inverness earlier this year.

A jury found the 76-year-old from Ardersier guilty of assault to the danger of Eve’s life, serious assault and threatening behaviour charges between 1975 and 2022.

Ms Graham, 67, said that at times her life was a “living hell” during her marriage to McDonald, who would become violent when drunk.

She told Scotland News that on one occasion he bit her face during an altercation in the family kitchen.

“He threw a tea towel over my head and then bit me on the nose,” she said. “I still have the scar. I kept saying I can’t cope with this.”

She said that he told her that nobody would believe her if she reported him.

“I had five seizures brought on by extreme stress because I was just living on a knife edge all the time,” she added.

“I was frightened. I developed a stutter.”

Ms Graham, who lives in the Highlands, said that when the abuse began attitudes to domestic violence were very different.

“In the 70s and 80s there wasn’t the same support for women and their families,” she said. “I didn’t tell anyone what he had done.”

She said it was difficult to leave the marriage as they had young children together.

“He would promise me he would stop drinking, he would never be violent again,” she said.

“And I loved him and I wanted to believe him, so I would go back.

“There were times when he was physically abusive and mentally tortured me. He also had financial control – I was trapped.”

Her life changed with a visit to Traquair House in the Scottish Borders, where she came across a figure of a horse made from scrap metal.

She learned how to weld and began making her own sculptures from similar material – and was surprised by the response to her work.

Her metal artworks include a large grasshopper and a dinosaur, which are installed in her garden. Some of her creations have been sold.

“People liked my sculptures, people wanted to buy my sculptures,” she said.

“I thought maybe I could become financially independent.”

This gave her the confidence to try and escape the abuse.

“I thought ‘right, I will go to the police’. He was charged and it was a relief. He was sent to jail. He got a custodial sentence. Justice has been done.”

Ms Graham said she received a huge amount of support from various agencies and charities.

“If there’s anyone out there in my situation I would say tell someone, speak to someone, friend, family,” she said.

“There’s lots of really fantastic services out there: Women’s Aid, Rape and Sexual Abuse Service Highland (Rasash), Victim Support, your GP, social work.

“Get help, get advice. I’m living proof that even after 40 plus years, you can come through this, you can come out the other end.”

Ms Graham said that despite everything she’s gone through, she is now fully focused on the future.

“I’m getting my confidence back. I’m going to carry on with welding and I’m going to be an independent woman – and I’m going to enjoy the rest of my life.”