Cole Palmer can’t understand why one of my children wears a Cole Palmer Chelsea shirt.
When the boys score a goal in the garden, I explain, they shout ‘COLD!’, the same way their elders have long since screeched ‘SIUUU!’ in worship of Cristiano Ronaldo. He is this generation’s exclamation mark.
‘Yeah, yeah, but why have you let him get a Chelsea shirt if he’s a Newcastle fan?’
Because you transcend tribalism. You’re a player who invites us to leave our allegiance at the turnstile. That’s nice, yeah?
‘Yeah,’ he begins, but the start of a lyrical monologue this is not. ‘Obviously when you see kids and that doing what they’re doing and saying that, it’s nice.’
And the nickname, Cold Palmer?
Cole Palmer has become notorious for his ‘ice cold’ cross armed celebrations when scoring
He rediscovered form as Chelsea finished in the top four and won the Conference League
Cole Palmer is part of the England squad who face Andorra on Saturday and then Senegal
‘Yeah, I don’t mind it. It’s fine.’
Palmer’s company is oddly hypnotic. In the same way a silent movie makes you work a little bit harder, to lean in a little closer, he causes you to think – and speak.
It is tea-time at England’s base camp, the Camiral Golf & Wellness resort here in Catalonia. We are in the clubhouse, where a portrait of Jack Nicklaus, a master orator, frames the enigmatic murmur of Palmer. Thomas Tuchel has given his players the afternoon off. What did you do?
‘Just went on a bike ride, didn’t I.’
He was on his bike last summer in Germany when he watched England’s backroom team, managed by Kieran Trippier and including Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, beat us journalists 7-0. We did then win a penalty shootout.
‘I don’t remember it. I couldn’t tell you if yous were good,’ he says.
He isn’t here to flatter or deceive. The appreciation of talent – or otherwise – will be one way, and so it should be. At the Euros, Palmer should have played more. Whereas others in his positions played at times with a sullen withdrawal, Palmer – always from the bench, sadly – played with imagination and a smile, albeit a metaphorical one.
‘My mum says, like, try and be a bit more involved and a bit more smiley and energetic and that,’ he says, this being a nod to his public demeanour.
Palmer scored 15 goals and provided nine assists in the league as Chelsea finished fourth
Chelsa and England star Cole Palmer is one of the rare players who transcends tribalism
The 23-year-old lifted the Europa Conference League in Wroclaw with Chelsea last week
‘But my dad says, “He’s just like me, so just leave him alone”. Like, me and my dad are just too laid back, I think.’
This week started at the Formula One in Barcelona.
‘Yeah, it was good. I went to the one in Abu Dhabi not long ago. But I fell asleep at that one. This one, I was awake.’
You fell asleep?
‘Yeah, I don’t know what it was.’
It requires a certain type of Zen to sleep at the Grand Prix. Yet, his revelation does not feel at all revelatory. Cole Palmer fancied a nap whilst cars raced around him at 230mph, so what? It is, after all, the way he plays football – as if he has his finger on the remote. Speed up. Slow down. Pause. He is the director. Only, between January and May of this season, the film no longer rolled. There were 18 games without a goal. Why?
‘I don’t know. You tell me.’
Maybe it’s because you’re a young man – 23 last month – and expectation on the back of 14 goals in the first half of the season suddenly weighed heavy?
Palmer admitted that he fell asleep in Abu Dhabi but stayed awake for the Spanish Grand Prix
The former Manchester City man was part of Pep Guardiola’s treble winning team in 2022/23
‘I don’t know,’ he starts, but what follows is Palmer’s spoken equivalent of War and Peace. ‘I just think it was one of them things when things weren’t happening for me. It went on a bit longer than I thought it would go on. But I spoke to people about it and they explained it was going to happen. But they said that when I get out of it, I’ll be an even better player than what I was before I went in it. I know myself players will go through it. I’m not stupid.
‘You go into Chelsea and you do that from a jump, and then you go into a dip, you just think, “What’s going on?”. I don’t mind. Obviously I did mind, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world.’
Palmer rediscovered his form in the final weeks as Chelsea qualified for the Champions League and won the Europa Conference League. So, was that his second European winners’ medal, or his first? He was on the bench when Manchester City beat Inter Milan to lift the Champions League in 2023.
‘I always say, I don’t feel like a Champions League winner, if I’m being honest,’ he says, and everything he says goes with an assumption of honesty. ‘It doesn’t really mean anything to me. I weren’t involved. Obviously I played in the group and stuff like that, but it’s not the same, is it?’
Have you kept the medal?
‘Yeah, obviously I’ve not threw it away! I’ve still got it, but it’s not like I feel like I’ve won it.’
This feels as close as Palmer gets to irritation. It says much for his mindset that it is him disowning a prize others would happily wear, regardless of contribution.
Palmer rediscovered his form in the final weeks as Chelsea qualified for the Champions League
Cole Palmer was handed the 10 shirt for Chelsea after they stripped Mudryk of the number
Other than Southerners – who he says are too stressed and too moody – does anything else ever bother him? Like, when was the last time you were really p***** off?
‘Er. I don’t really know. Sorry, I don’t know.’
Silence.
‘Maybe when I played PlayStation or something. I’m not just a robot like you guys in the media think I am and don’t show no emotion. When there’s no cameras and I’m on the phone to my mates and I’m doing stuff I enjoy doing…’
His off-pitch demeanour has become something of a vibe, though. It is unmistakably Mancunian – Generation Z do 90s Indie, just in fewer words.
‘Yeah, off the pitch I can be like this, but then on the pitch…’
It’s like a switch?
‘Yeah.’
This conversation has a few minutes to run – time enough for 20 questions, you suspect – before Palmer returns to his England team-mates. He could walk straight into a card school and clean up, I suggest, given his face rarely betrays his hand.
‘I need to learn how to play,’ he says. ‘I can’t play Uno. I don’t play cards. I play blackjack, sometimes.’
The attacking star scored an equaliser in the Euro 2024 final before England lost to Spain
Cole Palmer’s ‘cold’ celebration is idolised as Cristinao Ronaldo’s ‘SIUUU’ was worshipped
The purpose of this camp in Spain, ahead of Saturday’s World Cup qualifier against Andorra, is to acclimatise for next summer’s finals in North America. You get the feeling Palmer is still acclimatising to his fame and popularity. We have come full circle.
You must know why the kids idolise you?
‘I don’t know. I’m just being myself.’
Less than half an hour in his presence offers a few clues as to why. He’s OK with who he is. He has the keys to his own kingdom. He just needs to realise there are a million youngsters waiting at the window all wanting to be in.
Palmer gets up to leave, with all the urgency of a sixth-former headed for double maths. Maybe he did enjoy the chat. He was certainly polite and no questions were off limits.
One more, though, before you go – what should my boy do with his Cole Palmer Chelsea shirt?
‘Wear it!’ he says, and with that he is gone.
Small talk, but a big impression.
