They say love conquers all, but it doesn’t always conquer snoring.
In the US, it’s estimated that 82% of couples share a bed. Sharing a bed with your partner is often seen as an essential part of a romantic relationship. But have you ever wondered whether sleeping apart might actually be better for your health?
Good quality sleep is essential for both physical and mental health. As most adults spend between six and nine hours asleep in every 24-hour period, our sleeping arrangements can have a major effect on wellbeing.
Sleeping arrangements have also evolved over time and across cultures. Until the early 20th century, sleeping together with a partner, children, extended family members or even pets was common. However, the discovery of germs and growing concerns about hygiene led to fears about disease transmission. Sleeping in close proximity began to be seen as a potential health risk, and a new trend emerged for couples to sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms. More recently, we have seen a surge in celebrities announcing their “sleep divorces” from their partners – but are they right?
Sleeping together does appear to bring several benefits. It can strengthen closeness and attachment within a couple and support intimacy. Research suggests it may also have physical effects: couples’ breathing and heart rates can synchronise during sleep, which may contribute to feelings of safety and security. Sleeping together can also reduce stress and increase the production of the hormone oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone”.
Couples often report that they sleep better together than when sleeping apart. This has been examined not only through self-reports but also through research using specialist sleep-monitoring methods, including laboratory sleep studies and wearable sleep trackers that measure movement during the night.
When sharing a bed disrupts sleep
However, what happens if your sleep is actually disrupted by your partner rather than improved?
There can be many reasons for this. A partner may snore, get up several times during the night to use the bathroom, read with the light on, or watch television in bed. They might have a sleep condition such as sleep apnoea or restless legs syndrome. Hormonal changes can also play a role, for example menopausal hot flushes or night sweats. Pregnancy, caring for an infant, or different work schedules and shift patterns can also disrupt sleep.
When these disturbances occur frequently, they interfere with fundamental sleep processes, including how quickly you fall asleep (known as sleep onset), how often you wake during the night and how long you remain asleep. Disruption to these processes can have a range of detrimental effects on general physical health.
Poor sleep can impair the immune system, increasing susceptibility to infections such as coughs and colds. It can also disrupt digestion and metabolism, increasing the risk of weight gain and conditions such as diabetes by affecting insulin regulation.
In situations like these, sleeping apart may help. Separate sleeping arrangements allow each person to optimise their own sleep environment. This might include choosing different mattresses or bedding, adjusting light levels, controlling room temperature, or even changing scents and air quality in the bedroom.
Sleeping apart can also support better sleep hygiene. Each partner can adapt their habits around their own sleep patterns, such as going to bed at different times, reading before sleep, or avoiding screens in bed. This behaviour is known to promote better sleep and, in turn, better overall health.
Why relationship quality matters for sleep
But the physical sleep environment is only part of the story. Relationship dynamics also play an important role.
Couples who report being in happy, supportive relationships tend to experience better sleep overall. By contrast, people in unhappy relationships often report poorer sleep quality. Lack of sleep can then worsen emotional regulation, increase anxiety, lower stress tolerance and reduce empathy. These effects can create a negative cycle in which poor sleep contributes to further relationship strain.
Although sleeping in separate beds is sometimes seen as a sign of relationship trouble, this is not necessarily the case. If a partner’s behaviour is consistently disrupting sleep, the health benefits of sleeping separately may outweigh the drawbacks.
Ultimately, whether couples sleep best together or apart depends on both partners and the quality of their relationship. For some couples, sharing a bed strengthens connection and comfort. For others, a “sleep divorce” may simply be a practical way to ensure everyone gets the rest they need.
