Wojciech Szczesny must feel like he is living in a dream.
Last August, the former Arsenal goalkeeper retired from football aged 34 and may have been preparing to consume the season of Champions League content on MailOnline.
Now he is gearing up to play in the semi-finals for Barcelona – after answering their desperate plea for him to solve their goalkeeper crisis from the beaches and golf courses of Marbella in October.
Szczesny is doing all this on his own eccentric terms – he still chain-smokes in the changing rooms, despite that getting him in trouble with Arsene Wenger at Arsenal, and helps write lyrics for his Ukrainian pop star wife Marina Luczenko.
The best part is, he’s only lost one game. The former Poland stopper has won 22 of the 26 games he’s played in, keeping 13 clean sheets, fuelling Barcelona’s drive towards a potential Quadruple under manager Hansi Flick.
He’s already got the Spanish Cup and Super Cup under his belt, is leading their charge to the LaLiga title, and on Wednesday night will attempt to shut out Inter Milan in the Champions League semi-finals.
Wojciech Szczesny has become Barcelona’s unlikely hero after his shock move in October
The chain-smoking goalkeeper has already won two trophies and is targeting a Quadruple
He has even managed to get his son, Liam, to stop supporting Real Madrid, while his pop star wife Marina has supported him after pushing himself to come out of retirement
All this must come as a surprise and with some envy for Arsenal fans, who knew Szczesny as a likeable, solid, but not world-beating goalkeeper. Not somebody on course for a Quad as they struggled to make the Champions League.
And when he retired in August after leaving Juventus, it looked as if his long-held dream of winning Europe’s premier competition had been extinguished. How quickly things change.
‘We’ll see if it’s one of the best [football stories ever],’ the 35-year-old told ESPN. ‘It’s interesting. It can become one of the best. We will see when we talk at the end of May.’
This unlikely tale began when Barcelona’s first-choice custodian Marc-Andre ter Stegen suffered a crippling knee injury in a 5-1 rout of Villarreal in October.
The German was pictured in a wheelchair after the game and the cruel realisation slapped the fanbase in the face like a wet fish: he’s a gonner. Months on, he has only recently returned to the squad.
They had faithful deputy Inaki Pena – who indeed kept his place for a few months after Szczesny signed – but needed an experienced fair of hands through the door. Thus they called the former Arsenal man.
‘At first I didn’t know, it was so fast, too random,’ he told ESPN. ‘But I was looking at the Barcelona team and I was thinking, can this team do something special this season? Yes. Will I be able to live with myself if I say no and they do something big? No.
‘If I saw this Barcelona team from my sofa in Marbella, knowing that I could be a part of it, I wouldn’t forgive myself.’
The 35-year-old insists he won’t stop smoking, even though he doesn’t advise it to others
He will wear the gloves during Barca’s Champions League semi-final against Inter Milan
Szczesny, 35, shocked football when he came out of retirement 36 days after ending his career
In his spare time, the former Poland stopper plays the piano and guitar and has written lyrics for his Ukrainian singer wife, Marina Luczenko
He had been on the golf course when Ter Stegen suffered his blow. Old pal Robert Lewandowski tested the waters with the first phone call before hands-on sporting director Deco made the pipe dream a lot more real.
Just weeks earlier, Szczesny had explained his retirement by claiming that his ‘body still feels ready for challenges, but my heart is not there anymore.’
Well, he quickly got that heartbeat back. Within 36 days of retiring, he was announced as the Blaugrana’s latest star. ‘Visca el Barca (long live Barca!)’ he said in a video message to fans. So much for a lack of enthusiasm.
Don’t expect him to follow the usual rules. Football clubs typically have a strict idea of the substances they want their players consuming.
Wenger banned ketchup at Arsenal, Paolo di Canio took an axe to ice with drinks at Sunderland, and Paul Le Guen outlawed Monster Munch at Rangers.
But smoking? You can’t stop Szczesny. ‘There are things that I don’t change in my personal life and it’s nobody’s business if I smoke,’ he told Mundo Deportivo earlier this season after criticism from Spanish pundits.
‘I believe that it doesn’t affect what I do on the pitch, I work twice as hard.
‘If somebody thinks that I will change the way I am in my personal life they can think again because I am who I am. I’ve been this way my whole life.’
Marina, a former Junior Eurovision aspirant, has built a strong following online off the back of her pop career
His smoking habits landed him in hot water under the watchful eye of Arsene Wenger
He has since admitted it is a ‘very negative’ habit and has advised others not to do it, but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing. Fans now chant ‘Szczesny fumador’ (smoker Szczesny) after he was spotted lighting one up in the dressing room after a 4-0 annihilation of Real Madrid in October.
By his side on this crazy journey is his wife Marina, who he married in 2016. She’s a Ukrainian pop star who has worked with the likes of James Arthur. Marina moved to Poland aged two.
It turns out Szczesny, who plays the guitar and piano, even sometimes helps her write lyrics. He quilled the words to her song ‘I Do’ in 2017.
‘One evening I was bored, I listened to a melody composed by my wife and started to write some lines,’ he said.
‘After that I sent it to Marina as a surprise for her. I thought she was just gonna blow it off but she said it’s cool.
‘She has tried to record it, then we’ve made some changes, but the lyrics are mine!’
Marina has had some success, having claimed Best Debut album while her duet with Arthur on ‘Back From The Edge’ was given a certified double platinum by the Polish Society of Phonographic Industry.
However, she may want to enlist another writer besides her husband. After failing to represent Poland at the Junior Eurovision Song Contest in 2003, her top-performing album in her adult career has reached a high of 50th in the Polish charts.
The Polish goalkeeper is potentially set for a longer stay in Barcelonawith his family than initially planned as there are talks over a contract extension
He has only lost one of 26 games for Barca, winning 22 and keeping 13 clean sheets
She is clearly a popular personality, with her 1.1 million followers on Instagram tuning into her posts on their family life, holidays, and updates on her music ventures.
The duo have two children, Liam and Noelia, which has led to speculation over him being an Oasis fan. Little Liam was even a Real Madrid fan before his father signed for their Catalan rivals, though Szczesny has convinced him to realign his loyalties.
‘When we played Super final he was supporting Barca, so maybe he’s starting to convert. He has no choice,’ he said.
Alongside his resounding success at Barca, there have been low moments.
January was tricky. He was sent off in the Spanish Super Cup final for a wild challenge on Kylian Mbappe and, a week later, made two howlers in a 5-4 win over Benfica on his first Champions League start for the club.
But he is proving that there is life in the old gloves yet. Szczesny concedes an average of a goal a game, a benchmark which most could dream of.
Meditation is keeping him sharp. ‘[Ter Stegen’s son] thought I was sleeping once,’ he said.
‘Because I am literally sitting down in a very relaxed position with my eyes closed and everything. It’s kind of chaotic before a game, as it always is. Everybody’s getting changed. This one’s talking, this one’s, I don’t know, headphones on, and I’m just sitting there. And it does look like I’m sleeping.’
He’s been so impressive that Barcelona want him to stay beyond the summer.
‘We’re very happy with him and the role he’s playing in our campaign. He’ll surely stay with us next season,’ said Deco.
Before then, he’ll be hoping to write history.
