Alvaro Morata has opened up on a ‘self-destructive’ period of depression which left him fearing death and making desperate attempts to avoid the game he loves most.
The former Chelsea star revealed he called Spain’s team doctor to try and fake an injury ahead of their victorious Euro 2024 campaign, where he was their captain.
In a searingly honest upcoming documentary, Morata says a torrent of abuse throughout his career rendered him ‘mentally broken’ and he is still piecing his life back together.
Morata’s wife Alice Campello has also been through mental troubles and the duo split shortly after Euro 2024, though they have since reunited.
He received help from Andres Iniesta, who suffered depression in his playing days after his close friend Dani Jarque died in 2009.
‘You start to feel many things in your body and you don’t know why or how,’ Morata says in the documentary, as quoted by The Athletic. ‘Your legs hurt. Your chest closes up. You can’t breathe. I was afraid of going to sleep and not waking up. I was afraid of everything.’
Alvaro Morata has admitted he had a ‘self-destructive’ time of ‘depression’ in recent years
He lifted the Euro 2024 trophy as Spain’s captain, but in the shadows he was ‘mentlly broken’
Shortly after the tournament he split from his wife Alice Campello, but they are back together
Morata: They Don’t Know Who I Am premieres on Spanish TV channel Movistar Plus+ on June 17.
The striker, 32 and now playing for AC Milan, reveals the burden of criticism he received after his then-club Atletico Madrid were knocked out of the Champions League quarter-finals by Borussia Dortmund in 2024. He had missed some chances – in particular a one-on-one with Gregor Kobel plagued his memory – and copped heavy flak in the aftermath.
‘I was not able to follow the ball,’ he says. ‘We were not losing the game but in your head you had blown the chance to reach a Champions League final with Atletico. When the game was over, I stayed a long time alone in the dressing room. I just wanted to cry. From there, it all began.
‘I had many horrible, self-destructive thoughts. It passed through my head to fake an injury, so I would not have to go (to the Euros).
‘Is it worth playing for Spain if everywhere I go with my family, there are unpleasant incidents, with people insulting you and mocking you?
‘If you go to stadiums, wearing the Spain jersey, and fans whistle you and abuse you. It’s not worth it. There are many Spain fans who support me, but also many others who don’t want me here. But if I retire from international football, they will win.’
Morata rang Spain’s team doctor Oscar Celada to try and withdraw from the Euros, but he arranged for him to speak with Iniesta.
It was just as well that Morata went – he ended up playing in all of their games and was a key focal point, allowing Lamine Yamal, Nico Williams, and Dani Olmo to wreak havoc.
He reveals the devastating impact fan abuse had on him, particularly ater losing to Borussia Dortmund in the Champions League in 2024
The striker is still in a ‘process of repair’ but is ‘learning to manage’ after leaving Atletico
Spain legend Andres Iniesta, who suffered from depression after losing his friend Dani Jarque, helped Morata
He had therapy between games at Euro 2024 and also enjoyed playing golf with team-mates
He saw a psychiatrist, Pilar de Castro-Manglan, between games at the tournament and enjoyed the ‘therapy’ of playing golf with team-mates Mikel Oyarzabal and Alex Remiro.
Fellow Atletico stars Koke and Miguel Angel Gil, as well as manager Diego Simeone, were also influential figures in helping him to see the light, as was Spain boss Luis de la Fuente.
‘(Alvaro) is now in a process of repair,’ psychiatrist De Castro-Manglano says. ‘It’s like a ligament had broken, and you have to learn to walk again, to deal with the difficulties of life in a healthy way. Learning to manage life is difficult, even more in elite people who live in the public eye.’
Morata’s reward for marching on was the ‘happiest moment of his career’ – Oyarzabal’s 86th-minute poke past Jordan Pickford to clinch the 2-1 win over England in Berlin.
The pressure of playing for Spain and for Spanish clubs has long weighed on him and he has been abused by supporters in the past.
His glittering career has seen him win five league titles: two with Real Madrid, two with Juventus, and one most recently on loan at Galatasaray last season. He also lifted the Champions League twice with Madrid.
But the ire he was subjected to by Atletico fans convinced him he had to leave for Milan in 2024.
He says: ‘I could not risk another depression. I wanted to win trophies with Atletico Madrid, but it was not worth the possibility of going through another bad time. It’s not nice for me to say it, but it was the easiest decision to make.’
Football’s low points brought him to ‘depression’ and he would receive abuse in the street
Even when he went out with his children, so-called supporters would lay into him
The striker, 32, was on the books at Chelsea between 2017 and 2020 but spent some of that time on loan at Atletico
His wife Campello almost died after giving birth to their daughter Bella in 2023
The father-of-four, who married Campello in 2017, also lost his wife in 2023 when she suffered a near-death experience giving birth to their daughter Bella.
This is not the first time Morata has opened up on their struggles. Speaking to Spanish radio station Cope last year, he said: ‘When you have really tough times, depression, panic attacks, it doesn’t matter what job you do, it doesn’t matter what situation you have in life, you have another person inside that you have to fight against every day, every night.
‘In the end we are what you see on TV, what you see on social networks, but it’s a world that is often not real.
‘You have to give an image because it’s your job and yes, I had a really bad time, I exploded and there came a time when I couldn’t lace up my boots. When I laced up my boots I would run home because my throat would close up, I started to see blurry and it’s difficult.
‘Every time I went out with my children there was some episode with people, sometimes without malice. It reached a point that people said so many things to me that it made me ashamed to be with them. I was an easy joke to make people laugh.
‘Often I have crossed the line. [People] have insulted me and I have tried to shame those people who were trying to make me feel bad. The Euros changed my life because they respect me more. That photo as a champion will always be there.’
