The summer holidays, while a welcome opportunity for many grandparents to connect with their grandchildren, can swiftly become a source of exhaustion.
Attempting to navigate childcare during the extended break can often be challenging, especially as making time for yourself is essential for your own wellbeing.
Yet, between the park visits and trips into town, voicing your feelings while avoiding family squabbles can also become a balancing act in itself.
With this in mind, we spoke to a counsellor and member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), Roya Royle, who explained why this period can leave grandparents feeling burnt out, and has offered some practical strategies to help grandparents avoid this.
Why do many grandparents experience burnout during the summer holidays?
Helping out with childcare during the summer holidays can often feel like an obligation.
“If a schedule hasn’t been arranged or if there hasn’t been any collaboration or expectations set around childcare, then it can feel very hard to say no because many grandparents feel like they have an obligation to help,” notes Royle.
Although you might love spending time with your grandchildren, saying yes to every childcare request can be physically and mentally taxing.
“Looking after young children is physically demanding, but it’s also extremely emotionally demanding,” says Royle.
“If you neglect your own health, other relationships and interests, then you will start to feel burnt out by the end of the summer.”
Signs of burnout can include mood changes, resentment and exhaustion.
“Grandparents might start to experience feelings of irritability, resentment and/or dread,” says Royle. “Burnout can lead to exhaustion and you could end up feeling very unwell if you don’t take care of yourself, too.”
Babysitting burnout can also have negative impacts on the grandchildren.
“The grandchildren might experience a much more snappy, irritable version of childcare if their grandparents are experiencing burnout, so it can have a negative impact on everybody involved,” says Royle.
Here are some tips on how to minimise family squabbles around childcare this summer…
Set limits and expectations early on
“Problems often come up when communication isn’t there and when people don’t feel comfortable talking about their responsibilities and limits,” says Royle. Therefore, it’s important to put these boundaries in place from the offset before any resentment creeps in.
Before you go into any conversations around childcare, Royle recommends taking time to decide your limits with yourself first.
“Don’t offer unlimited availability during the summer holidays and try to only offer what you feel comfortable with,” advises the counsellor.
“Set expectations around how long you are happy to do childcare for and around any last-minute childcare requests.”
Discuss childcare requests away from your grandchildren
“Avoid having these conversations when grandchildren are present,” advises Royle. “You could set them up to play or watch TV in one room, and then could go into another room to chat to about this.”
She adds that platforms like WhatsApp can be useful to iron out all the details.
“When everyone’s really busy and you’re trying to make a lot of plans at once, having it all written down on WhatsApp or on an email can be really helpful as it gives people a chance to respond when they’re ready,” says Royle.
Express your feelings
“Don’t be afraid to say how you’re feeling,” says Royle. “Try to avoid using any language that puts the blame on other people. Instead, try to use I statements to avoid conflict, such as ‘I feel overwhelmed’ or ‘I’m struggling’.”
Learn the power of no
“In healthy families we should all be able to ask each other for whatever we need help with, but we should also not be afraid to say no or to hear a no,” says Royle.
Remember to take care of yourself
“You can’t pour from an empty cup, so remember that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else,” says Royle.
Make time for your own interests
“Carve out some time every week for your own interests, whether that’s time to work in an allotment or time to swim in the mornings,” advises Royle.
Do activities with the grandchildren that you will also enjoy
Think about what activities you can do that all generations will enjoy.
“If you have a particular interest, such as bird watching or fishing, you could suggest doing that with your grandchildren,” recommends Royle. “Passing that passion onto your grandchildren can feel very worthwhile and meaningful.”
Have regular check-ins
“Keep reviewing the arrangements throughout the summer to see if everyone is still happy,” advises Royle. “Regular check-ins are important to review anything that might not be working.”
