This is my sixth Ashes tour, and the previous five had encouraged a hypothesis: even if Australians aren’t always gracious winners, they can be magnanimous in defeat.
Admittedly, the second scenario has a small sample size. In 2010-11, Andrew Strauss’s team won three Tests by an innings, earning the respect of the Australian public and media. There were no attempts to belittle England’s achievement that giddy winter – just an admission that the better side had won.
But the reaction to their two-day triumph at Melbourne suggests the hypothesis needs tweaking. ‘England won a game of cricket at the MCG,’ blared one newspaper, ‘but this was no Test match.’
Yet when Australia emerged victorious a few weeks ago from the two-day Test at Perth, it was widely regarded as fair dinkum, a perfectly reasonable stick with which to beat the Poms. ‘It was Bazball, not the pitch’, said one headline, overlooking the detail that the lowest total had been Australia’s first-innings 132. Some two-day wins, it turns out, are more equal than others.
In the rush to diminish England’s win in Melbourne, another Australian journalist wondered: ‘Can you care about a scramble between teams too hungover to care themselves?’ Another reporter dismissed it as a ‘fluke’.
And while England were still basking in the afterglow of their first victory in this country for nearly 15 years, the Australian narrative had long since moved on to the MCG pitch, with curator Matt Page shoved front and centre to apologise, like a Middle Ages witch ready to face a dunking.
In the rush to diminish England’s win in Melbourne, another Australian journalist wondered: ‘Can you care about a scramble between teams too hungover to care themselves?’
While England basked in the afterglow of their first win in this country since 2010, the Aussie narrative moved on to the MCG pitch, with curator Matt Page sent out to apologise
Even if Australians aren’t always gracious winners, they can be magnanimous in defeat. But the reaction to their two-day triumph at Melbourne suggests the hypothesis needs tweaking
At one level, the accountability was impressive, even if the difference between Page being a hero and a villain was probably no more than 3mm of grass. At another level, it reflected the version of the Test match that made Australia feel most comfortable: they had been beaten by the pitch, by a factor beyond their control, and not by England.
The trouble is, you can’t ‘fluke’ a Test victory: there are too many variables over four innings for luck to be the decisive factor. You can fluke a three-and-a-half-hour game of T20, with a final-ball top edge for six. But Test cricket is a drawn-out drama, even when it lasts only two days, and the team who better exploit the conditions come out on top. That’s what makes it so unforgiving, as England have discovered to their cost.
As for the suggestion that the sides barely cared, pull the other one. Ever since Australia whitewashed England in 2006-07, their revenge for the impertinence of 2005, cricketers here have wanted to add a 5–0 to their own CV.
Mitchell Johnson inspired a repeat in 2013-14, and Travis Head spelled out Australia’s next ambition after they retained the Ashes in Adelaide. ‘The job’s not done yet,’ he said. ‘We want to make sure it’s 5–0, and really take that urn.’
Wearing ‘Ronball’ T-shirts, partly in tribute to their coach Andrew ‘Ronald’ McDonald, partly to poke fun at Bazball, the Australians were in the mood for humiliation.
By Monday, McDonald himself had shifted the goalposts. ‘I know it sounds simplistic,’ he said, ‘and probably not want people to hear – it’s England-Australia, it’s an Ashes Test – but the Ashes were done at 3–0.’
He’s right, of course: they were very much done. But, again: pull the other one.
And if Australia were very keen on the idea of a whitewash, England were equally keen to avoid it. Ben Stokes had looked on the precipice before the fourth Test, having changed his message from ‘Australia is no place for weak men’ to ‘please show us some empathy’. He had won none of his 12 Tests in Australia. Another defeat might have tipped him over the edge.
Wearing ‘Ronball’ T-shirts, partly in tribute to their coach Andrew ‘Ronald’ McDonald, partly to poke fun at Bazball, the Australians were in the mood for humiliation at Melbourne
Ben Stokes and Joe Root had never won a Test in Australia – did they care? You bet they did!
Ever since Australia whitewashed England in 2006-07, their revenge for 2005, cricketers here have wanted to add a 5–0 to their own CV. Mitchell Johnson inspired a repeat in 2013-14
To learn moments after the game that he and Joe Root, who had won none of his previous 17, had just shared a hug and a quiet ‘Finally, we’ve won one!’ was to glimpse their relief. Did England care? You bet they did! The Barmy Army, singing and dancing across the other side of the ground, cared. Back in the UK, shortly before 6.30 on a Saturday morning, thousands of fans cared too.
In fairness, Steve Smith conceded that England had played better cricket for the conditions, singling out Harry Brook’s audacious first-innings 41, full of ‘rogue shots’, as one of the differences between the sides. ‘Whether we could have been a bit more proactive, potentially, and played a few more of those, that’s something we’ll talk about,’ he said.
Smith might also have mentioned Gus Atkinson’s first-innings 28, or the second-innings knocks of Ben Duckett (34 off 26 balls), Zak Crawley (37 off 48) and Jacob Bethell (40 off 46). Australia, by contrast, could point only to Head’s second-innings 46 as an attempt to put pressure back on the bowlers.
Ironically, then, the Bazball mindset that has been a laughing stock in these parts, helped England win their first Test in Australia in 19 attempts.
That is not to say they haven’t got plenty wrong on this tour, from preparation to selection, from driving on the up, via bowling too short and wide, to dropping catches. They have been outplayed by a smarter, more resilient team. Australia deserve their series win.
But England deserved their win at Melbourne, and it’s been instructive to learn how many Australians seem unable to concede the point.
