.jpeg?trim=0,106,0,128&width=1200&height=800&crop=1200:800 "‘We want to use it for everything’: How Project Maven became central to America’s AI-powered warfare – UK Times")
It took until the last two days of the third Test – the 10th and 11th of the series – for England to show fight. And it took until they were 3–0 down for Brendon McCullum to admit his side had been ill-prepared to handle the almighty task of winning in Australia.
Where was the resilience until now? Where was the honesty? And why did it take until another away Ashes series had followed such a familiar course for the players to knuckle down and for the coach to fess up?
For all the optimism in advance, this tour was always going to present a challenge like nothing England have faced under McCullum and Ben Stokes. My own prediction, for that very reason, was 3–1 to Australia – though even that now looks optimistic as we head to Melbourne and Sydney for the last rites.
But the most disappointing aspect of their latest misadventure down under has been that England did not give themselves the best chance. To compete with Australia on their own turf requires almost perfect cricket. Instead, there were only glimpses of quality, with predictable consequences: an entire nation is currently dancing, no whooping, on the grave of Bazball.
At Perth, England had the game in the palm of their hand at lunch on the second day, only to surrender to defeat a few hours later. At Brisbane, they celebrated Joe Root’s long-awaited first hundred in Australia, but batted as if ignoring the lessons of the first Test, and fielded like sieves.
Finally, at Adelaide, they made 352 in the fourth innings, but were chasing too many, having placed an unreasonable burden on the part-time off-spin of Will Jacks.
England’s Ashes dream has crumbled after just 11 embarrassing days in Australia
Throughout, Australia have seized the moments that matter while England repeatedly made the same mistakes
At every turn, Australia seized the moments that mattered, despite missing key personnel. Pat Cummins was injured for the first two Tests, Josh Hazlewood for the first three. Steve Smith was forced to sit out the third because of vertigo, and Nathan Lyon may now be ruled out of the rest of the fourth and fifth after hurting a hamstring. Cummins, too, looks set to give the Boxing Day Test at Melbourne a miss as he manages his tender back.
Despite these gifts, England – whose only injury misfortune has been Mark Wood – have barely landed a blow. ‘It sucks,’ said Stokes, whose task now is to avoid joining Johnny Douglas, Andrew Flintoff and Alastair Cook as the only England captains to suffer an Ashes whitewash. When he arrived here a few weeks ago, this was not the bar he was hoping to clear.
Stokes, of course, does not readily admit to error. Asked if he wished he had done anything differently, he paused, then settled on a half-joke about the toss: ‘Called heads in the first two Tests, and won this one.’
If only it were that simple. England gave themselves little chance of adapting to the bounce of Perth, a city where they had previously lost 10 of their 14 Tests, because their warm-up consisted of a white-ball tour of New Zealand and a three-day game against their own second-string team at gentle, bucolic Lilac Hill.
Assistant coach Marcus Trescothick then admitted during the Brisbane Test that there had been no discussion after Perth about the perils of driving on the up in Australia – an astonishing concession, if true.
By repeating the same mistakes at the Gabba, England seemed surprised to suffer the same result: an eight-wicket defeat.
The public pronouncements have been car crashes. McCullum seemed to be trolling England fans when he suggested his team had ‘over-prepared’ for Brisbane. And Stokes unhelpfully placed his opponents on a pedestal when he said Australia was ‘no place for weak men’.
Inevitably, doubts crept in. Before Adelaide, home to one of the world’s flattest pitches, Stokes demanded his players ‘show a bit of dog’, a far cry from the usual exhortation to express themselves. Next day, McCullum suggested there would be no changing the template.
Car-crash interviews from the coaching team have done little to provide clarity on the tour
England’s preparation has also fallen short of the standards needed to play perfect cricket in Australia
The two positions were irreconcilable, and the mixed messaging led to a muddled performance. After Jofra Archer had helped dismiss Australia for 371, England’s batsmen laboured their way to 286, despite the friendliness of the pitch and the 40-degree heat. Yet Australia’s bowlers overcame both, in a superb performance lost amid the locals’ desire to lambast England.
And that, perhaps, has been the greatest factor as Australia celebrate their retention of the urn after just 11 days of cricket – the joint-quickest Ashes success since 1921. Quite simply, they have been the better side.
They have the best batsman in Travis Head, the best bowler in Mitchell Starc, and the best wicketkeeper in Alex Carey. Scott Boland has at times been unhittable, and even their back-up bowlers have played a role. Top of the series averages? That will be Michael Neser, with six wickets at 14. Marnus Labuschagne, meanwhile, has caught blinders at slip.
England have carried too many passengers. Ben Duckett has endured his worst series since returning to the side three years ago, while Harry Brook has become a poster boy for feckless batting, and Jamie Smith contributed little until his final-day 60. Even then, fans were left fuming by his dismissal, caught at mid-on trying to hit a fifth successive four. It was far from the worst shot of the tour, but rationality had long since left town.
If those three players will all be around for a while, however, England must take the blame for persisting with Ollie Pope, whose latest double failure – three and 17 – merely confirmed his unsuitability for the pressures of Test cricket. Jacob Bethell has to be given a chance at the MCG.
The bowling, too, has lacked Australia’s patience and incision, with Stokes resorting too quickly to the short-ball tactic that usually betrays a lack of trust in his seamers’ accuracy. Brydon Carse’s economy-rate of five an over has summed up the problem.
The outcome of the final two Tests will play a huge role in the future of Bazball, although Ben Stokes has already shown signs of moving away from the divisive style of play
And it is hard to fathom how Jacks, who has twice shown bottle with the bat, was entrusted with the role of first-choice spinner after the investment and faith placed in Shoaib Bashir. England have blinked, allowing Australia to swoop.
What now for Bazball? It partly depends on the final two Tests. A whitewash may leave ECB chief executive Richard Gould with little choice but to plan for a future without managing director Rob Key and McCullum, though the coach’s role is complicated by the fact that there is a T20 World Cup on the horizon.
As for Stokes, he has now presided over four series against Australia and India, which have produced some moments of bad luck, but a headline of five wins and 11 defeats. Asked whether this trip has caused him to question his commitment to the job, he replied: ‘Nope.’
It was a rare moment of clarity in another otherwise confused tour. For England fans, though, that was no consolation whatsoever.
