Research shows moms overwhelmingly carry the mental load from household tasks, but there are ways to lighten it.
While all families are different, women are most often the ones to plan meals, remember the names of their children’s teachers, and take the kids to soccer practice, according to research.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family in December 2024, which CBS Mornings cited in a recent segment, found that mothers take on 71 percent of the mental workload that comes with running a household.
Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, told CBS Mornings, “I think the number should be higher.”
Researchers found mothers take on the bulk of core daily tasks “related to family well-being” while fathers tend to tackle “episodic tasks related to maintenance and finances,” according to the study.
Varma described what she hears from mothers when working with couples.
“The woman says, ‘Not only am I organizing, planning, managing, but I’m anticipating for all the things that can go wrong because guess who’s going to deal with the consequences of them. I am.’”
Varma said women can also experience an “emotional overload.”
“A child is often turning to the mother in most cases, assuming it’s a heterosexual couple, for comfort, and the school is calling the mother when the child is sick and who’s taking time off from work? So all of it comes back down to the woman often,” she said.
So, what can be done to lighten moms’ mental load? It starts with their partners.
Varma explained the mindset of mothers: “I don’t want to have to give you a list to delegate, I want you to be a part of the conversation. For example, when the school year starts, what are some of those things that have to get done on a regular basis?”
To share the mental load, fathers have to acknowledge it, initiate household tasks, contribute to regular, open communication and share in planning and decision-making, CBS Mornings reported.
“So we want to make sure we check in with [mothers] and even just to say, ‘What can I do to help you? Talk to me about what you’re going through and how can we prevent this as a team?’ That feeling of you’re with me, you’re on my side. So many times, women tell me, ‘I don’t feel like I have a partner,’” Varma said.
Varma gave some advice for women when communicating with their partners about their mental load.
“If you’re going to ask your partner for more help you cannot throw the kitchen sink at them.”
The psychiatrist suggested women tell their partners: “I love it when you do all these things, when you ask me how I feel, when you ask me how my day was, when get in there and you roll up your sleeves and you’re doing the dishes, when you say ‘you know what, I’ll do the pickup today.’”
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