When I got my first proper job in London, I’d treat myself to a coffee on the way to work. It became a ritual to look forward to: arrive at Oxford Circus 20 minutes earlier than I needed to, pop into the tiny cafe where the staff quickly learnt my name, knock back a £3 flat white, and head into the office.
There were so many reasons why I fell in love with that cafe – little flourishes that made it extra special. Like how it played jazz music or how staff served my coffee on a wooden platter with a small glass of water. The baristas would often dance around while making drinks, putting some pep in my step at the start of each day.
This was back in 2017 and that tiny cafe has since closed. Like many others of its kind, it fell victim to rising costs and decreased post-pandemic demand. But there was another reason for its demise: it could not withstand the competition of the conglomerate coffee behemoths.
Yes, I’m talking about Gail’s – among others, true. But it’s Gail’s that, in my opinion, has the accolade of being the most overrated, overpriced cafe chain in existence.
An oat flat white is £4.50 in my local branch. To be clear, this is a small drink: one you can probably finish in a couple of sips. That’s about £1 a sip. Just sit on that for a while.
For such a premium, you’d expect some sort of perk, right? Friendly staff who remember your name and order. Cheery music to lift your spirits when you walk in. Or a well-structured and well-organised system that means drinks are produced quickly and efficiently. At the very least, you’d expect somewhere comfortable to sit.
Gail’s offers a whopping none of these things – certainly not whenever I’ve visited. It’s always too busy, meaning there’s either nowhere to sit or you have to perch at a communal table with uncomfortable benches. The drinks are made so hastily that my order has been confused more than once. The coffee, which I used to like – hence why I started going – now seems weaker and uninspiring. And the regulars are often insufferable and unfriendly, with a superiority complex fuelled by their near-£5 caffeine hit.
But Gail’s isn’t just ruining my coffee ritual, it’s also ruining a historic building. Earlier this week, residents in Lewes expressed outrage after Gail’s replaced the oak doors from a grade II-listed building to set up its new branch. The chain said the aesthetic didn’t fit its contemporary requirements and replaced them with ones made out of glass.
I’m not the only person who harbours reasonably dark thoughts towards Gail’s. Last summer, residents of Walthamstow launched a campaign to stop the chain from opening a new branch there, amid rallying cries to support smaller, local businesses instead. Gail’s opened anyway, prompting one bakery owner a few doors down to sell up.
Some coffee drinks have boycotted the chain entirely due to its chairman, entrepreneur Luke Johnson, who was not only very pro-Leave during the Brexit referendum, which raised alarms among fellow business owners, but a major lockdown sceptic.
It’s through a combination of all of these factors that I’ve stopped going to Gail’s – and you should too. There are so many other better, more interesting, places to buy your morning cup of coffee. It just might be a little harder to find them.
